Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I've read a lot recently to try to understand gaslighting, and found a lot of it sounded very familiar in my last relationship.... But I'm not quite sure. What are your experiences with being gaslighted? Here are a couple examples from my relationship that I can recall.... Either that, or I'm just crazy. x_x
1. He would often make promises to me, then when I brought them up later he would deny he ever said that. He also claimed that I made certain promises to him that I never remember making.
2. He's told me several times, "you know you have such a bad memory."
3. I am not particularly proud of this example because I know what I did on my part was wrong, but.... at the beginning of our relationship, he admited to cheating on me with his ex. I forgave him, but was suspicious. I noticed one night that he was on his phone the whole night, happened to glance over his shoulder, and could see he was talking to his ex.. about a day later, he's taking a shower and his phone is beside me... I see it light up with a text notification from his ex. Curiosity got the better of me and I snooped. I discovered messages where he was begging his ex to come back to him. Of course, upset, I confronted him with the evidence right in front of us and he somehow denies it.... or made up a BS story... of course, I forgive him. As time went on, he continued to deny it ever happened, or changed the story of what the messages said... the memory is a little foggy now, but I think that is his doing.
4. This one disturbs me the most. I really hope it was him messing with my head, otherwise, maybe I should be concerned. Often times I'd be laying down to sleep next to him at night at his house and I swore I could hear faint music or the tv from the other room... I'd ask him if he heard it and he'd always say no. He would use this later on in arguments to accuse me of being crazy and not knowing what I was talking about. But ever since I've moved out, I don't hear anything like that anymore.
I'm sure I could think of other instances, but these stand out the most... Are these examples of gaslighting? I felt like I was going crazy.
1. He would often make promises to me, then when I brought them up later he would deny he ever said that. He also claimed that I made certain promises to him that I never remember making.
2. He's told me several times, "you know you have such a bad memory."
3. I am not particularly proud of this example because I know what I did on my part was wrong, but.... at the beginning of our relationship, he admited to cheating on me with his ex. I forgave him, but was suspicious. I noticed one night that he was on his phone the whole night, happened to glance over his shoulder, and could see he was talking to his ex.. about a day later, he's taking a shower and his phone is beside me... I see it light up with a text notification from his ex. Curiosity got the better of me and I snooped. I discovered messages where he was begging his ex to come back to him. Of course, upset, I confronted him with the evidence right in front of us and he somehow denies it.... or made up a BS story... of course, I forgive him. As time went on, he continued to deny it ever happened, or changed the story of what the messages said... the memory is a little foggy now, but I think that is his doing.
4. This one disturbs me the most. I really hope it was him messing with my head, otherwise, maybe I should be concerned. Often times I'd be laying down to sleep next to him at night at his house and I swore I could hear faint music or the tv from the other room... I'd ask him if he heard it and he'd always say no. He would use this later on in arguments to accuse me of being crazy and not knowing what I was talking about. But ever since I've moved out, I don't hear anything like that anymore.
I'm sure I could think of other instances, but these stand out the most... Are these examples of gaslighting? I felt like I was going crazy.
I would go to make a cup of tea and ask them if they wanted one.
"No, I'm fine."
Fair enough. Twenty minutes later, I appear in front of them with my own mug of tea.
"Where's mine???" or, more sneakily, "Did you make tea (and not include me, meant silently afterwards)?"
"You were asked if you wanted one and you said no."
Even in the face of that evidence, they would have this hurt and pouty look, as if they had no recollection of me ever asking them. But I had! Which was rich, because if the shoe was on the other foot, they would not ask me. They would do for themselves as if I wasn't there.
Mine would do the same when I would ask if he wanted Starbucks.
I'm all too familiar with #1 as well. It's like they have a double standard of expectations and behaviors.
Simply maddening!
then he starting causing arguments and saying I caused them
then he said I was going mad because I wasn't getting enough sleep (this came out of couples counselling)
then he denied my birth experience happened
then he denied my breast feeding experience happened
ach hated that guy so much
I'm sorry you're going through this and wish you well.
Or were you saying that the music box was repaired and you knew it, but he denied that ever happening?
Either way, evil.