Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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jstanicegirl 04/22/2016

Well my abusive ex has been out of the house for nearly two months now. But I just cannot bring myself to stick with no contact. I question myself daily, several times daily, if I did the right thing. The logical me knows that I did. And most of the contact I have had with him since this separation proves it to me over and over and over. Loves me so much when he gets his way, angry, hateful abuser when he doesn't. I feel so lost though. I have pretty much spent the last 4 years completely focused on him and his needs and doing what he wanted and trying to keep him pleasant...that I don't seem to know what to do with myself anymore. I feel like a crazy person.

duvessa 04/22/2016

I think you really need to give yourself a break. Two months is a really short period of time. I was still in shock at the two month mark.

Everything you are saying makes sense & is normal given the situation you've come out of. It takes time, & doing some personal work, to get to the point where you can let go.

You are not failing because you love this person, You are not failing because you sometimes want him back. It wouldn't be healthy for you to go back, & you know that based on what you've posted, but don't beat yourself up for needing time to come to terms with that.

As often as possible, when you find yourself thinking about him, pull your focus back to yourself & your own life. See your friends, get out & meet new people, take care of your body & your home. Spend time with your family if you are able.

jstanicegirl 04/22/2016

Thank you duvessa. I know it's the right thing. The last terrible scene before I made him leave my 17 yr old son came to me with tears in his eyes and begged to not have to listen to it anymore. I know its the right thing for both of us. I just wish I felt stronger. I don't think I expected it to affect me this way. Weekends bring on increased anxiety because they have been all about him for the past several years. I used to crave solitude and now I dont know what to do with it. I do have a wonderful family that I know I can count on.

strongenough72 04/22/2016

I agree with Duvessa, two months is a very short period to even except any shifts, as a matter of fact, I already reached the almost 9 months mark and I'm still combatting and battling the exact same doubts as you. Ofcourse I don't intend to discourage you, but it is very normal that you are still wandering inside. Give it more time, 4 years is a large period to eliminate it in merely 2 months.

Also, the loving side is very recognizable. My abuser seemed to be drawn out of a romantic movie when he was in a good mood, and the complete opposite when he isn't. It makes you messed up and draws you to cherish an idle hope that he will ever become that permanently sweet person. In my case he was this guy after a while in the relationship for like 3 days on 7.

Wishing you a lot of success

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