Every day is a struggle. Some days are good and I feel like I've got this. And other days are absolutely horrible. I cried pretty much all day on Saturday. I feel like my son is having to put up with another thing he shouldn't have to. I text people and call and they are supportive, but I feel getting frustrated with me. I get responses like "keep busy" or "find a hobby". I know their intentions are good but I don't think that unless you have been through abuse and manipulation and basically brainwashing they just don't get it. It's different than a normal relationship ending. I question myself daily. And doubt myself daily. And struggle to understand HOW someone could do this to another human being and not only not care....but not even acknowledge it. I wouldn't do this to a stranger...let alone someone I claimed to love. I feel like an addict of sort. I want sweet relief from the torment. I know he would take me back in a hearbeat. Not for the right reasons...because I already know the rages and the abuse. He doesn't have to hide it. But I know that wouldn't be real relief...and I would let so many people down. I just want to feel reasonably normal again.