Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I am feeling so confused about just everything. I am trying so hard to get my feet back underneath me and to figure out who I am, but...
I do not know how to help my family understand that while I'm okay, I'm not okay. I have done stupid things that did hurt my family along the way. I want to take responsibility for those things and not have such feelings of entitlement myself (although I do), but also for them to understand that while I was going through hell over the last 17 years and then when I finally got out, even as I did appreciate them being there, I was completely honest that I needed help. They did help me some, but on their terms and with emotional "strings".
I feel so responsible for it all. I feel treated like I am responsible for it all. They didn't trust me to help me further because I am the naive girl that made such bad decisions in men. I am the one who stayed and let that man spend tons on himself while not paying my parents back for a business loan that he had negotiated with my dad. I am the one left with all the debt to be paid and since it was my decisions that got me there, I'm just out of luck.
I do realize, I am a grown woman and responsible for myself and my children. However, I am completely torn apart. I'm depressed and although not technically suicidal (mainly just based on religion and my children needing me I think) wish I could just sleep for a long, long time.
My family hurt me even more. They are well off and realistically could just pay off all my past debts, help my present situation and help set up my future for the kids without it having any real effect on them. I come beaten down, jobless, unsure and in a bad situation that really was not my fault. Forget any pride, I laid out my entire ruination to them and didn't ask for a handout, but help to get a loan set up through the bank that would be reasonable for me to pay each month. Really, had I known that my husband was going to sexually abuse my daughter, trust me I would have even made different decisions (including economic ones)! They say no, they can't trust my ability to pay it based on my great track record with husbands!
In the end, I am broke, struggling and will be for years to come to pay off all the debt and just manage the bills and needed things. I did a really stupid, bad thing and just took some money. After paying for everything throughout my entire marriage(s), I am just tired, but trying to manage because there really is no choice and well, I just couldn't manage.
Well, my family recently discovered that I took the money. As I said, I want to take responsibility for my horrible actions, but I do also want them to understand that I begged for help, that I am so weak it is all can do to just be okay each day, and that really, I'm not okay and that I feel so rejected and worthless. I'm so confused because I know my family doesn't owe me anything, but also feel like they poured salt in wounds that are still so fresh and deep. I'm not a bad person, just not okay and I feel like I have become abusive, that I feel entitled and that I'm so angry, but really, at this point, don't know how to get back where I need to be.
Sorry this is so lengthy, but I really needed to get it out.
I do not know how to help my family understand that while I'm okay, I'm not okay. I have done stupid things that did hurt my family along the way. I want to take responsibility for those things and not have such feelings of entitlement myself (although I do), but also for them to understand that while I was going through hell over the last 17 years and then when I finally got out, even as I did appreciate them being there, I was completely honest that I needed help. They did help me some, but on their terms and with emotional "strings".
I feel so responsible for it all. I feel treated like I am responsible for it all. They didn't trust me to help me further because I am the naive girl that made such bad decisions in men. I am the one who stayed and let that man spend tons on himself while not paying my parents back for a business loan that he had negotiated with my dad. I am the one left with all the debt to be paid and since it was my decisions that got me there, I'm just out of luck.
I do realize, I am a grown woman and responsible for myself and my children. However, I am completely torn apart. I'm depressed and although not technically suicidal (mainly just based on religion and my children needing me I think) wish I could just sleep for a long, long time.
My family hurt me even more. They are well off and realistically could just pay off all my past debts, help my present situation and help set up my future for the kids without it having any real effect on them. I come beaten down, jobless, unsure and in a bad situation that really was not my fault. Forget any pride, I laid out my entire ruination to them and didn't ask for a handout, but help to get a loan set up through the bank that would be reasonable for me to pay each month. Really, had I known that my husband was going to sexually abuse my daughter, trust me I would have even made different decisions (including economic ones)! They say no, they can't trust my ability to pay it based on my great track record with husbands!
In the end, I am broke, struggling and will be for years to come to pay off all the debt and just manage the bills and needed things. I did a really stupid, bad thing and just took some money. After paying for everything throughout my entire marriage(s), I am just tired, but trying to manage because there really is no choice and well, I just couldn't manage.
Well, my family recently discovered that I took the money. As I said, I want to take responsibility for my horrible actions, but I do also want them to understand that I begged for help, that I am so weak it is all can do to just be okay each day, and that really, I'm not okay and that I feel so rejected and worthless. I'm so confused because I know my family doesn't owe me anything, but also feel like they poured salt in wounds that are still so fresh and deep. I'm not a bad person, just not okay and I feel like I have become abusive, that I feel entitled and that I'm so angry, but really, at this point, don't know how to get back where I need to be.
Sorry this is so lengthy, but I really needed to get it out.
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