Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
More lectures til 1 am, so tired...anxiety coming back, feel guilty and depressed..
After some 8 hours of 'talks' over the last 2 weekends I needed a few days to thaw out and get my head in order ( and have a break from him)
I have told him that I am enquiring about counselling to talk about some of my issues and hopefully work a few things thru ( he refuses to come to counseling cos it is 'my problem, not a marriage problem'
So last nite I get told off because I haven't been sharing my feelings with him since the weekend and how he feels excluded. He gets angry and yells and slams the couch.
How does yelling and berating someone about not sharing feelings make them want to share feelings?? He tells me by the time I open up and share it may be too late, he won't still be here...
I really struggle to express my feelings and need to feel safe to be able to open up. Can't do it under pressure. Feeling bad for 'excluding him' but feeling really stuck.
After some 8 hours of 'talks' over the last 2 weekends I needed a few days to thaw out and get my head in order ( and have a break from him)
I have told him that I am enquiring about counselling to talk about some of my issues and hopefully work a few things thru ( he refuses to come to counseling cos it is 'my problem, not a marriage problem'
So last nite I get told off because I haven't been sharing my feelings with him since the weekend and how he feels excluded. He gets angry and yells and slams the couch.
How does yelling and berating someone about not sharing feelings make them want to share feelings?? He tells me by the time I open up and share it may be too late, he won't still be here...
I really struggle to express my feelings and need to feel safe to be able to open up. Can't do it under pressure. Feeling bad for 'excluding him' but feeling really stuck.
Seriously tho...I remember those days, I have been there. I still stay at some point you will just have had enough.....
It's there attempt at brainwashing. Trying to make sure you don't get off the track of wrapping your mind around them and what they want and need. As for telling him what you are feeling....all I know is that anything I ever told my ex he used against me at a later date. So hold your cards close to your chest.
Big hugs...hope you get some rest.
The point of berating you for not sharing your feelings is to make sure you are too uncomfortable to share your feelings, thus giving him the "right" to berate you further for not sharing your feelings. He has created a circle from which you can't escape - not while being with him anyway.
Do seek the counselling and let him think that you believe you are the one with the problems - that way he's less likely to try to sabotage it. Do NOT go to counselling with him, even if he suddenly decides he is willing (sometimes they do).
You are not excluding him - he is making it impossible to include him.
You're talking about an abuser as if
he were a healthy, normal person.
He's NOT. He's an ABUSER.
The less you share, the safer you'll be.
And the sooner you leave,
the sooner you won't be
a target of this abuser.
Love yourself.
Love your life.
SAVE YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The more you share with him, the more ammunition you give him. As far as feeling bad for excluding him...I don't hear him saying he feels bad for berating you for hours on end.
Try to do something for yourself to get away for a little while...go to a bookstore or the library and read a trashy magazine, get a cup of coffee, an ice cream, go for a walk and listen to nature or hang out with a friend. Get out of the house and away from him if only for an hour. It will do you good.
Hugs to you!