Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
This is how I feel I have been treated. He has an EXTREMELY violent past, and this is how it has touched me.
When I acknowlege this, It helps me realize what I've been through. It hurts. It's over between us, only 7 days with no contact between us. I've gone back to him over and over with absenses up to 2 months apart. I don't want to do that again. I've been betrayed. He doesn't have the compassion necessary to treat me with the respect I deserve. It is all about him having a sense of power over me by using deceit and many other verbally and emotionally abusive tactics. I'm done being on guard, of calling him on his offenses, of dodging his emotional and verbal bullets.
Thanks for being here. Right now this is one of the only places I get and have support. My counselor is someone who I started to lack trust in, so she's not in the picture today. My friend I share with has her own life and probably doesn't want to be part of the drama. My mom understands, thank God. His father in law knows what's up, but I am not in a friendship with him, and don't really want to get into it with him when he is a link to my ex. He is the one who let me know information that lead us to both realize the double life he was leading between us.
I wished I'd left sooner. I'd wished I'd valued my own emotional life more than the effort I thought I needed to put into him, which he now denies. He is so sick in so many ways - relapsing in addiction, threat of cancer, suicidal, depression, oh God, I have made him my "project" and he devalues it like I don't care for him. It hurts to have my efforts discounted to less than zero. It hurts to try to communicate with someone who takes all responsibility and places it on me, who blames me, who twists all topics to be about me and my shortcomings and refuses to see his own.
I am in AA and Al Anon and getting comfort in the women's meetings, my relationship with my sponsor and God. Thank God I have some hope in those things. And coming here and befriending people who can understand and support me has been a lifesaver, and I couldn't do this w/out DS.
When I acknowlege this, It helps me realize what I've been through. It hurts. It's over between us, only 7 days with no contact between us. I've gone back to him over and over with absenses up to 2 months apart. I don't want to do that again. I've been betrayed. He doesn't have the compassion necessary to treat me with the respect I deserve. It is all about him having a sense of power over me by using deceit and many other verbally and emotionally abusive tactics. I'm done being on guard, of calling him on his offenses, of dodging his emotional and verbal bullets.
Thanks for being here. Right now this is one of the only places I get and have support. My counselor is someone who I started to lack trust in, so she's not in the picture today. My friend I share with has her own life and probably doesn't want to be part of the drama. My mom understands, thank God. His father in law knows what's up, but I am not in a friendship with him, and don't really want to get into it with him when he is a link to my ex. He is the one who let me know information that lead us to both realize the double life he was leading between us.
I wished I'd left sooner. I'd wished I'd valued my own emotional life more than the effort I thought I needed to put into him, which he now denies. He is so sick in so many ways - relapsing in addiction, threat of cancer, suicidal, depression, oh God, I have made him my "project" and he devalues it like I don't care for him. It hurts to have my efforts discounted to less than zero. It hurts to try to communicate with someone who takes all responsibility and places it on me, who blames me, who twists all topics to be about me and my shortcomings and refuses to see his own.
I am in AA and Al Anon and getting comfort in the women's meetings, my relationship with my sponsor and God. Thank God I have some hope in those things. And coming here and befriending people who can understand and support me has been a lifesaver, and I couldn't do this w/out DS.
Every strength and big hugs,
Rosie
I think everyone of us beats ourselves up for taking as long as we did to realize that nothing we could so would change things. THIS IS NOT A FAILING. Nobody, including ourselves, can truly understand why we hung in there so long, but we did because there was some hope that he would really turn out to be that wonderful guy that he initilly presented to us and that we fell in love with. I mean, it was there once, why shouldn't we have some glimmer of hope that it would return? You sticking it out and continuing to try shows a strength and tenacity that can now be channeled toward staying away and making a clean break.
You didn't see or do this before because you weren't ready. It's that simple. You weren't ready to give up on something that was really important to you. You weren't ready to face the world on your own. You weren't ready to see this man for the person that he really is. You ARE ready now, and I know what a good feeling that is. Embrace it. Enjoy freedom from verbal assaults, accusations, threats and insults. You certainly deserve much better than this.
One thing that my ex-h never could understand after I left him was how being alone was better than being with him. Duuuuh. Life and happiness is more than just a warm body in the same room. It has more to do with love of self. If you can't love yourself, you can't project that same love on others. My ex-h was certain that there was a man waiting in the wings that I was going to marry as soon as the divorce was final. When that didn't happen, he decided that it must instead be a woman. Neither was the case. I have lived a solitary and celibate life for the past 8 years (although the first three of those my daughter was still at home) and have had to spend that time healing from all of the damage that he inflicted on me.
Take it from someone who has been there. Being alone is MUCH better than living with abuse every day. By focusing on myself and my own healing, I now can finally feel like I am in a position where I can share in a relationship with someone else. I am a bit afraid and taking baby steps at the moment, but the gentleman that I am currently in a long-distance relationship with DOES appear to be genuine, loving and caring without all of the narcissitic baggage of my ex.
Better alone than in bad company.
You sound like a very nice person so you should have no prob enjoying your own company, and if you ever get in another realationship hope is one that you deserve, a loving healthy one....Where you're the QUEEN and he's your lil slave, hehehe, (just joking).