Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
So last night I worked a long day...left my house at 7:30am, spent 25 freaking minutes on the side of the road with a smoking vehicle, worked, had to leave to pick up my youngest from school sick (another hour and a half on the road), went BACK to work, and did not get home from work until after 9 pm. When I get home, I have to fix dinner for the girls....he of course isn't here and doesn't get home until 11:30 (no, he isn't working, he gets off at 5 and works 15 minutes from here).
Anyway, while they are eating, our youngest pipes in with the fact that their father had a deep, heart to heart conversation with them this afternoon. She states that she should probably not tell me because I am going to say that it was inappropriate to say these things to children. She doesn't give me all the details, but basically says their father said the only reason I am angry with him is because he took the car from me, that I am not paying for it, and that I never pay for anything. He is always giving, giving, giving, and I am just never happy because I always want more. And that he is sorry they have to deal with that. WTF?!.!?
I just told her that she was right, I would have said it was inappropriate to pull them into our arguments and left it at that. But in my mind, I wanted to call him and tell him that he is either a damn liar or freaking delusional. I wouldn't drive that damn car if my life depended on it at this point, I have always paid for everything including his shit, and I am angry about being threatened with bodily injury, called an f---ing moron (among other not so nice things), and treated like a piece of trash....not because he took away the damn car like a parent taking away their kid's cell phone for misbehaving. There, I feel better now.
I, of course, rethought the trying to talk to him....what's the point really, he won't see any truth other than his own and he will be angry at the girls for saying anything. I just ignored him again and slept on the couch for the second night. Still just waiting for him to blow up because I am not talking to him. Sigh....
Anyway, while they are eating, our youngest pipes in with the fact that their father had a deep, heart to heart conversation with them this afternoon. She states that she should probably not tell me because I am going to say that it was inappropriate to say these things to children. She doesn't give me all the details, but basically says their father said the only reason I am angry with him is because he took the car from me, that I am not paying for it, and that I never pay for anything. He is always giving, giving, giving, and I am just never happy because I always want more. And that he is sorry they have to deal with that. WTF?!.!?
I just told her that she was right, I would have said it was inappropriate to pull them into our arguments and left it at that. But in my mind, I wanted to call him and tell him that he is either a damn liar or freaking delusional. I wouldn't drive that damn car if my life depended on it at this point, I have always paid for everything including his shit, and I am angry about being threatened with bodily injury, called an f---ing moron (among other not so nice things), and treated like a piece of trash....not because he took away the damn car like a parent taking away their kid's cell phone for misbehaving. There, I feel better now.
I, of course, rethought the trying to talk to him....what's the point really, he won't see any truth other than his own and he will be angry at the girls for saying anything. I just ignored him again and slept on the couch for the second night. Still just waiting for him to blow up because I am not talking to him. Sigh....
My spouse continually told my son that he was paying for his college education. He reminded him of all the money he was "dumping" into THAT school. This was not true. He took out the loan, but I paid the loan. He refused. And, I didn't want my son kicked out of college. My son was an adult at the time, so I did make certain he knew that college was being paid for. End of story.
You're absolutely right. He will not be honest or truthful with your children. Vent here and keep your home as calm as possible for you kids. And, like giggle said, work on your exit plan...for you and your kids.
Sending you hugs
and wishes for
strength, clarity
and momentum
to get you and
your kids into
better places.
I would definitely NOT repeat to him anything the girls tell you he said or it will back fire on you---or the girls. I would keep my mouth shut about everything. Anything you say he will use against you.
If you are thinking of leaving, find a lawyer before this guy gets wind you want to leave and starts hiding money and assets.
Do not tell him if you go to a lawyer.
Just by your post today I get the feeling this guy would go to great lengths to try and take everything.
I really wish you the best.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))
The thing is guys, I've tried to tell him many times that I want a separation (at the least) and it always deteriorates into threats and ugliness, so I am NOT foolish enough to make that mistake again. I just keep praying that he will get tired of this stupid, childish game and move on with his life. Alas, I have the feeling that isn't in the cards, but a girl can hope can't she?!
but it would be
a LOT SAFER
if you put the
hope that he
will get tired
of abusing
you and move
on. . . . and make
a SAFETY PLAN
that will enable
you to exit this
dangerous
abusive connection
without further
injury or worse.
Please take the
actions that will
ensure your
safety and
future wellbeing.
Sending you hugs
and wishes for
better things!
I agree with the others, get a plan and get out. You and your kids deserve better. (((HUGS)))