very normal. horrifyingly so.

never thought in a million years that I'd want anyone dead.

but I do.

I just want him to go away and leave me alone forever, and I guess that the only way would be for him to die, because he doesn't seem like the type who's ever going to let me go.

I think there should be this thing in your DNA, where if you're an abusive person, the chances of you dying from something medical goes dramatically up with every abusive thing that you do, and if you're a caring, compassionate person, then you get healthier, with every positive thought, every loving deed...

I have had these thoughts on occasion, too. Everything would be easier if it would all just go away, if something happened to him. They pop up every once in a while still, but not so much as they did when I felt like I had no choice but to stay.

As for getting them out of your head, I'm afraid I won't be much help there, but know you are not alone in having those thoughts.

Thanks so much for sharing I feel so much better! I just want my schizophrenic ex out of my & my children's life!

Yes. But mine is a little different. The thought of him dying irritates me. Because I know that there would b all these people his funeral mourning the loss of his "precious life". Of course these would b the people that didn't know the REAL him.

I prefer nowadays that either 1. he dies before he has a chance to get himself right with God, or 2. He lives and long long miserable life.

I feel bad for thinking that but I'm human

I think it's probably perfectly normal. In my case, I couldn't care one way or the other. He's out of my life and as long as it stays that way, he can get on with his miserable, meaningless existence.

It isn't the thoughts that make us good or bad, its whether or not we act upon them.

I think we all have revenge fantasies. In fact, we are supposed to in adolescence as we detach from our parents and become more self-reliant. As teenagers, we want more freedom, more independence, and more autonomy. We want to test the waters and make our own mistakes. Then Mom and Dad come along and set rules! And that's when teenagers get mad and stalk off to their rooms and wish their parents would just die in a fiery car crash.

In abuse, we are essentially having those boundaries of autonomy violated. Someone imposes rules, manipulates us to feel guilty, berates us like children. And the natural response is not only to get angry....but to have a revenge fantasy or two.

So, imo this is sooooo incredibly normal that I'd be more worried if someone NEVER felt anger or had a revenge fantasy.

I definitely wished she would go to jail...

I don't wish him dead because that would be too easy. I want him to go to prison for the rest of his life and get abused by the inmates. smiles

Oh I can't thank you enough for this post Tink. I've been soo wanting to indulge in revenge fantasies, so here's a few:
I fantasize he gets genital leprosy, strictly confined to his genitals, with the eventual result of them literally falling off and/or
I hope the old saying that "you'll go blind doing that" holds true for him, as much as he does "that" it would be a guarantee and/or
He gets a case of rare hemoriodal elephantitis, roids the size of his arse. I mean if he's going to act like an arse and be a pain in everyone elses then he might as well feel what he inflicts.......
Thank you for this post. It's soo good to know I'm normal :)

Oh and a death wish for him, no, that would be way too easy.

learned....LOL I"m cracking my ass off! That was soooo hilarious! lol

Yea, what you said.

Oh and I realized that wasn't very nice.... :o... :)