Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
It has been a couple of weeks since I posted, I think. I have tried, unsuccessfully to go NC several times.
HE goes NC with me all the time. I can never reach him until that moment I stop (he can read my mind!). The moment I let go and accept HIS NC he comes flying back into the picture and the cycle starts again and again.
The latest thing are his promises to visit. They keep getting delayed but they are there. I've changed, no more drugs or pills, I want to come see you next week-end. Then, I reach out to HIM (the latest because of a continuance in my daughters abusers trial) and he doesn't respond. It makes me crazy. CRAZY. I text, call, no response. For days. I get furious. This is about our daughter. You said we had to stay in constant communication because we co-parent. That only applies when HE wants to talk to ME.
I think this latest has gotten me good. I spent an evening with sweet daughter. She confided in me that she was depressed and just barely hanging on. I was scared. On the way home to my lonely empty apartment I tried to reach him. Left VM messages from Friday night until Monday morning when I gave up and blocked him. On Tuesday, he decided again he wanted to "come". DUDE, where were you?
That week-end I sat on my bed and just let the feelings wash over me. We need him. She needs him. I need him. The old him. Not this new awful person. He chooses not to be there. His daughter isn't well. She has been abused and spent weeks in a tent city living homeless. He never came. She ran away with her abuser who took away all of her possessions and he never came.
I just let those feelings wash over me over and over again and then I decided that I could be the best damn mom and dad this girl has ever known. I spent time with her last night. She came over and did homework and my apartment and I fed her and did her laundry. lol It was wonderful. *I* am there for her. I am not going anywhere. We don't need him.
If we aren't even coparents anymore then we are NOTHING. There is no other reason to hold on. Last night, I blocked his number and every Skype number or blackberry number he has ever called me from. I commit to No Contact. He only poisons everything around him. I have made an appointment with my therapist for this week as well. Time to start working through some of the PTSD she has diagnosed me with.
NC: 11 hours, 50 minutes, 11 seconds and counting
HE goes NC with me all the time. I can never reach him until that moment I stop (he can read my mind!). The moment I let go and accept HIS NC he comes flying back into the picture and the cycle starts again and again.
The latest thing are his promises to visit. They keep getting delayed but they are there. I've changed, no more drugs or pills, I want to come see you next week-end. Then, I reach out to HIM (the latest because of a continuance in my daughters abusers trial) and he doesn't respond. It makes me crazy. CRAZY. I text, call, no response. For days. I get furious. This is about our daughter. You said we had to stay in constant communication because we co-parent. That only applies when HE wants to talk to ME.
I think this latest has gotten me good. I spent an evening with sweet daughter. She confided in me that she was depressed and just barely hanging on. I was scared. On the way home to my lonely empty apartment I tried to reach him. Left VM messages from Friday night until Monday morning when I gave up and blocked him. On Tuesday, he decided again he wanted to "come". DUDE, where were you?
That week-end I sat on my bed and just let the feelings wash over me. We need him. She needs him. I need him. The old him. Not this new awful person. He chooses not to be there. His daughter isn't well. She has been abused and spent weeks in a tent city living homeless. He never came. She ran away with her abuser who took away all of her possessions and he never came.
I just let those feelings wash over me over and over again and then I decided that I could be the best damn mom and dad this girl has ever known. I spent time with her last night. She came over and did homework and my apartment and I fed her and did her laundry. lol It was wonderful. *I* am there for her. I am not going anywhere. We don't need him.
If we aren't even coparents anymore then we are NOTHING. There is no other reason to hold on. Last night, I blocked his number and every Skype number or blackberry number he has ever called me from. I commit to No Contact. He only poisons everything around him. I have made an appointment with my therapist for this week as well. Time to start working through some of the PTSD she has diagnosed me with.
NC: 11 hours, 50 minutes, 11 seconds and counting
I have to do this differently somehow. More tools in my tool box. A different approach something.
I am back in crazy town and feeling the rejection from my abuser from my head to my toes.
Secondly - what triggered your desire to reach out to him? What did you do about that desire before actually reaching out? Have you worked out your triggers and a plan to deal with them? They will come, there will be times you feel the pull very strongly and you NEED a plan. So identify the triggers - whether they be time of day or week, what you're doing, hearing something on the radio/seeing something on the TV, having time alone ... whatever it is that triggers your desire to contact him (and there may well be several), figure them out.
Then have some plans for what to do when they arise. If you are doing Ilene's index card exercise, pull out the cards and read them (if you're not, give it a go). Or perhaps phone a friend, go for a long walk (without your phone), a bubble bath, coffee, go to the movies, work out, journal, post here, whatever will work for you personally until that moment has passed.
The more times you resist the urge, the easier it gets to resist until one day you realise you haven't even felt the urge at all in a while. But in the meantime, don't beat yourself up if you have a setback.
Fridays. Sunday afternoons. Normal days. Holidays. Ha.
You are doing great!!!! You're a dream mom!