Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Ok... We went to the mediation for our divorce. All seemed to go ok considering, and it went fairly quick because we had already decided on how we would handle and split things ahead of time.
UNTIL..............................................
We got to the money part. The back story to this is that we both agreed on 50/50 visitation meaning he gets the kids one week and I get them one week and we would split all expenses in half for the kids. I was ok with this. I have more in my 401k retirment plan then he did and in my state we split everything 50/50 so naturally I owed him money after we added most liabilities and assets and split the remainder. I was ok with this too.
In my state child support is an automatic calculation, even if we say we are splitting everything 50/50 we still have to complete the child support calculation to see if anything additional based on the incomes is due to either party. My husband makes more then me, not a whole lot more but enough. I honestly didn't think he would owe me anything or if he did it would be so close to a wash I wouldn't even fuss about it.
Well...... He actually owes me $350/month in child support, I was shocked. It would certainly help me but the funny thing is, he was ROYALLY PISSED!!!! He said during the mediation "whatever I guess, I mean this is not what we agreed to before we came here but whatever". The mediator tried to tell him that he makes more so naturally even taking into consideration us splitting everything in half he still makes more and it is about the kids. He then said to me "You are missing what she is saying, we have to put in writing that I owe you but we can still go based on what we agreed to before here". The mediator said, no, you really don't want to have a "hand shake" deal because someone could always come back later.
On top of this, he tried to screw me. He is a CPA, so he is the finance guy. I am not illiterate but I don't know numbers like he does, so I trusted his formulas in excel when he spreadsheeted EVERYTHING out. Because I owe him money, I am transferring it from my 401k to him because I don't have cash on hand to give him. He is going to pull cash out and he will owe taxes, I agreed to split the taxes with him for that (because I felt bad, not because I have to). Well, when the mediator tried to break everything out for the divorce settlement docs, it turned out he stuck me with the whole tax bill. He tried to justify it to the mediator that he was giving me credit for 1/2 his bonus that he is getting that I would be entitled to (which was less then 1/2 of the taxes). The mediator said "NO" she is entitled to that so you can't do that.
I am so mad right now....... I thought I was trying to be fair and thought he was too, but he is not. I didn't even take credit for 1/2 of his car that is paid off that I could have, I didn't take anything from the 2 businesses he has that he gets a little bit of extra cash out of every year, I agreed to keep him on my cell phone plan to help him save money because I get unlimited data that is not offered anymore.
AND HE IS PISSED THAT HE OWES ME CHILD SUPPORT!!!! He owes me a wopping $3,600 per year for BOTH kids in child support!!!!!! I tried to tell him that it is for his kids and he wasn't buying it. He said I am untilmately getting the money........
Then this morning he comes up to me and asks me if we are going to ever have sex again.
WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
UNTIL..............................................
We got to the money part. The back story to this is that we both agreed on 50/50 visitation meaning he gets the kids one week and I get them one week and we would split all expenses in half for the kids. I was ok with this. I have more in my 401k retirment plan then he did and in my state we split everything 50/50 so naturally I owed him money after we added most liabilities and assets and split the remainder. I was ok with this too.
In my state child support is an automatic calculation, even if we say we are splitting everything 50/50 we still have to complete the child support calculation to see if anything additional based on the incomes is due to either party. My husband makes more then me, not a whole lot more but enough. I honestly didn't think he would owe me anything or if he did it would be so close to a wash I wouldn't even fuss about it.
Well...... He actually owes me $350/month in child support, I was shocked. It would certainly help me but the funny thing is, he was ROYALLY PISSED!!!! He said during the mediation "whatever I guess, I mean this is not what we agreed to before we came here but whatever". The mediator tried to tell him that he makes more so naturally even taking into consideration us splitting everything in half he still makes more and it is about the kids. He then said to me "You are missing what she is saying, we have to put in writing that I owe you but we can still go based on what we agreed to before here". The mediator said, no, you really don't want to have a "hand shake" deal because someone could always come back later.
On top of this, he tried to screw me. He is a CPA, so he is the finance guy. I am not illiterate but I don't know numbers like he does, so I trusted his formulas in excel when he spreadsheeted EVERYTHING out. Because I owe him money, I am transferring it from my 401k to him because I don't have cash on hand to give him. He is going to pull cash out and he will owe taxes, I agreed to split the taxes with him for that (because I felt bad, not because I have to). Well, when the mediator tried to break everything out for the divorce settlement docs, it turned out he stuck me with the whole tax bill. He tried to justify it to the mediator that he was giving me credit for 1/2 his bonus that he is getting that I would be entitled to (which was less then 1/2 of the taxes). The mediator said "NO" she is entitled to that so you can't do that.
I am so mad right now....... I thought I was trying to be fair and thought he was too, but he is not. I didn't even take credit for 1/2 of his car that is paid off that I could have, I didn't take anything from the 2 businesses he has that he gets a little bit of extra cash out of every year, I agreed to keep him on my cell phone plan to help him save money because I get unlimited data that is not offered anymore.
AND HE IS PISSED THAT HE OWES ME CHILD SUPPORT!!!! He owes me a wopping $3,600 per year for BOTH kids in child support!!!!!! I tried to tell him that it is for his kids and he wasn't buying it. He said I am untilmately getting the money........
Then this morning he comes up to me and asks me if we are going to ever have sex again.
WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I kept thinking to myself as I read through your post that he was exhibiting standard abuser behavior... And then I got to the last line and laughed by behind off!!!
I am still chuckling!!!