Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
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Ok, I need to get some feedback here, because I'm confused as heck.
My family loves Disney. We've taken nearly a dozen trips to one coast or the other - as a family, as a couple, and with extended family and friends. Our thought was always that we wanted to go as often as we could, so that when my daughter gets older, and is in the hospital more (she has CF, so it's going to happen) she'll have lots of good memories and photos to look back on.
Over the past few years, they've gone on several trips without me. Sometimes to visit her family in Oregon - where I refused to go. So they went without me. Once to Branson. I wasn't free to go, so again, they went without me.
Now I've moved out. We're separated. And my MIL has repeatedly stated that she would not mind if we got divorced. Heck, my Mom reminded me that in our wedding toast, her Dad commented that she really could have done better than me. So it's her Mom's 60th birthday. And she wants to take them all on a trip to Disneyland for a week. Without me.
My wife knows this is incredibly awkward, and painful for me. She's excited about going, but hasn't told the kids yet. I've shared that I love going to Disney as much as they do, that I love seeing my children there. That's where we had our honeymoon, took our first road trip to, and recently spent two weeks there for our 10th anniversary. My kids are 8 and now almost 3, and every ride I get my daughter to try out is a victory. She's terrified of them until she overcomes her anxiety, then she loves them. Last time, she even volunteered to ride splash mountain, although it scared the bejeezus out of her. I was so proud of her.
It really does feel like my needs come in last. Again. That if I'm not free to do something, her parents will step up and do it with her, excluding me. But I don't want to manipulate her into not going. I don't want to say 'If you do this, then I'll do this.' But this is feeling pretty momentous. It's... looming. Thoughts?
My family loves Disney. We've taken nearly a dozen trips to one coast or the other - as a family, as a couple, and with extended family and friends. Our thought was always that we wanted to go as often as we could, so that when my daughter gets older, and is in the hospital more (she has CF, so it's going to happen) she'll have lots of good memories and photos to look back on.
Over the past few years, they've gone on several trips without me. Sometimes to visit her family in Oregon - where I refused to go. So they went without me. Once to Branson. I wasn't free to go, so again, they went without me.
Now I've moved out. We're separated. And my MIL has repeatedly stated that she would not mind if we got divorced. Heck, my Mom reminded me that in our wedding toast, her Dad commented that she really could have done better than me. So it's her Mom's 60th birthday. And she wants to take them all on a trip to Disneyland for a week. Without me.
My wife knows this is incredibly awkward, and painful for me. She's excited about going, but hasn't told the kids yet. I've shared that I love going to Disney as much as they do, that I love seeing my children there. That's where we had our honeymoon, took our first road trip to, and recently spent two weeks there for our 10th anniversary. My kids are 8 and now almost 3, and every ride I get my daughter to try out is a victory. She's terrified of them until she overcomes her anxiety, then she loves them. Last time, she even volunteered to ride splash mountain, although it scared the bejeezus out of her. I was so proud of her.
It really does feel like my needs come in last. Again. That if I'm not free to do something, her parents will step up and do it with her, excluding me. But I don't want to manipulate her into not going. I don't want to say 'If you do this, then I'll do this.' But this is feeling pretty momentous. It's... looming. Thoughts?
I can only apologise again for not having chosen a different article. Just sent what I had...
I read it, and you're absolutely right - it sounds spot on about my wife. My MIL fits the role well, and there's even the black sheep that extricated himself from the family entirely eventually - of course, he was(and is) a nut, and did some remarkably horrible things to my wife as they grew up, so he's certainly not the blameless scapegoat. But man, the themes of eternal childhood and dependance, the expectation of perfection, the golden child... it's like they knew the characters involved.
I value the support and kindness you've shared with me, and you found a great resource I would not have found, and I thank you. I hope you continue to share everything you feel is appropriate - it has great value!
Glad it was useful stuff. Yeah, narc families are like some weird drama production...and I would know, having been raised in one, LOL.
Really hope you get the Disneyland dilemma sorted out to yours and your kids' satisfaction. I know these situations are the exact opposite of fun :(
Thinking of ya xx