Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Hey all,
I find myself getting out of another verbal abusive situation. The breakup can really be a time of escalation of the abuse.
What I noticed was there was a lot of discounting of my feelings and perceptions. I am so grateful for using "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" book it is very helpful to see in black and white my experiences.
I am still dealing with the sadness and the loss of having had someone in my life who was very special to me and to have the recognition of abuse be a huge shock and cause a lot of hurt, pain, fear and sadness and especially anger.
In my past in abusive relationships I got caught up in trying to explain how the abuse hurt me in hopes he'd stop. This never worked. The nature of abuse is power and control. At some sick level this person feels more powerful when they put me down. I don't have to stand in the line of fire any more.
I am grateful for this site, the recovery literature on the topic of abuse, and for my dear counselor through a domestic violence agency who's words and helps ring true today long after our sessions ended as yet again I find myself going through this. Only this time I got out relatively quickly and don't see myself going back and forth like I had in the past. Very typical to be many many breakups for one finally to stick.
It is so easy as women to depend on a man financially and then be stuck in an abusive relationship. I was using his vehicle. I gave it back. I wanted to walk. This upset him. I told him I loved him and he didn't love me. He told me "you don't love me!" I said "Sorry you feel that way" I didn't have to argue. let him have his own reality, I don't have to change it or try to explain mine. Been there done that, it doesn't work. Much more helpful to come here and rant.
Anyway thanks for listening. :)
I find myself getting out of another verbal abusive situation. The breakup can really be a time of escalation of the abuse.
What I noticed was there was a lot of discounting of my feelings and perceptions. I am so grateful for using "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" book it is very helpful to see in black and white my experiences.
I am still dealing with the sadness and the loss of having had someone in my life who was very special to me and to have the recognition of abuse be a huge shock and cause a lot of hurt, pain, fear and sadness and especially anger.
In my past in abusive relationships I got caught up in trying to explain how the abuse hurt me in hopes he'd stop. This never worked. The nature of abuse is power and control. At some sick level this person feels more powerful when they put me down. I don't have to stand in the line of fire any more.
I am grateful for this site, the recovery literature on the topic of abuse, and for my dear counselor through a domestic violence agency who's words and helps ring true today long after our sessions ended as yet again I find myself going through this. Only this time I got out relatively quickly and don't see myself going back and forth like I had in the past. Very typical to be many many breakups for one finally to stick.
It is so easy as women to depend on a man financially and then be stuck in an abusive relationship. I was using his vehicle. I gave it back. I wanted to walk. This upset him. I told him I loved him and he didn't love me. He told me "you don't love me!" I said "Sorry you feel that way" I didn't have to argue. let him have his own reality, I don't have to change it or try to explain mine. Been there done that, it doesn't work. Much more helpful to come here and rant.
Anyway thanks for listening. :)
But it is all good news to see that you are not going through the same inner struggles you did in the past.
You're Growing, you're making better choices, you are looking out for yourself! YAY YOU!
I loved reading "I didn't have to argue. let him have his own reality, I don't have to change it or try to explain mine."
YES! THAT'S WONDERFUL!!!
Hooray!
More power to you!
By the way, I love the Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans, it sheds a lot of light on the various styles of communication/behaviour these individuals engage in.