Hi there :)

I haven't left my husband yet, but I can tell you that before he showed his true colours, moving away from narc dad to be with him did me the world of good. I was depressed and exhausted as well, but for a while I was much happier and doing better.

You will get better after leaving because the reason you aren't feeling good is THEM. They drag you down, which depresses your immune system and tires you out. All the pressure of that abusive, denigrating behaviour is a constant burden.

It may be scary at first, but once you are out, you'll feel the benefit, most definitely. I only haven't left mine yet because I'm scared of getting into such a bad practical situation that I cave and come back.

Hope I helped some :) Right now I'm in the same boat - hardly any energy to get out of bed, tired all the time... it's a symptom of what they do to us, so when they're gone, so will the problem be!!

Bunny :-) xxxx thank you

I really do hope you find the strength to leave too...........xxx
please find some courage in there , if i can do it , you can xxxx

i have actually left before but cannot remember how i felt because i block it out.......
i caved and came back too obviously.........but look where its got me...ten times worse with my health and no better.....please try to leave xxxx

Yes, your health does improve, but it can take time. The longer we will live in high stress situations, the more damage it causes to our bodies. The human body is a wonderful thing though, it likes to repair itself.

When you do leave, don't expect an overnight miracle. You will get better day by day, so don't be hard on yourself or get discouraged if it takes some time.

Good luck!

at then end of my 'relationship' i'll tell you..
i threw out my back - hospital
2 wks later i got some sort of spider bite - hospital
3 days later i got a bladder infection - hospital
4 days later i got an allergic reaction - hospital
3 days after that i had a cyst become infected & had to have it cut out
absolutely excrusiating! hospital
maybe a week after i got gallstones & had a major attack..was in the hospital again..
6 visits for different things in 2-3 weeks time all the while with this pinched nerve in my back where my leg was hurting sooo bad I couldn't stand to do the dishes even
he never took care of me at all. he didn't help bandage my cyst on my shoulder blade, my son helped me every morning.
2 weeks after that he was gone.
since then..i had a minor cold & my back is better, no more infections, only one gallstone attack, my skin is brighter, i dont have as many headaches..
he left last july
has my health improved? hell ya, it sure did.
You're right to believe that it's the stress of him and his abuse that makes you sick. I had never been so sick with so many things in my life, ever! Once he was gone, I'm fine.
anxiety like a son of a gun but ya..i'm not sick anymore
good luck!!

Ten years ago, I was
separated but still married
and had not yet filed.

Ten years from that
moment in time
(and ---- remember ----
that I'm ten years OLDER),
ten years from that
moment in time
I am
a THOUSAND times
HEALTHIER
and
TWO THOUSAND times
HAPPIER.

Absolutely. While I was with my ex I had lost a ton of weight, become anemic. I had no immune system whatsoever. In two weeks I had an upper respiratory infection then got post viral syndrome and then caught the flu. I was hospitalized for it and the Dr. told me he'd never seen anyone my age with post viral syndrome. I had ulcers, depression, I never slept or I slept WAY to much. I was a mess. Right after you leave it will probably get worse. The nerves of leaving are massive, but shortly thereafter you'll start getting better and once it starts it'll happen very quickly. Just hold and stay strong. You'll get there.

same as everybody else. I was so freaking sick, lost so much weight (like flappy bathing suit skinny, pulling pants off with out undoing them, etc)

I lost so much hair!!!!!!!!!!!! it was all over the house. I would touch it and pull so much out...

I was weak and frail when I left. I could barely lift a box. I felt as if my bones were brittle, and I thought I'd never ever be strong again.

4 months later, I've been doing some housecleaning to make money, and I'm getting muscles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you should see me flex. and my legs are stronger.

I've gained a little bit of the weight back, still have a bit more to go. my hair isn't falling out-it's still thin though.

I look and feel a thousand times better.

I sleep through the night.

I SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT!!!!!

(haven't done that in nearly 3 years!)

Yes I am much more healthier. I have less stress and we know that is the main reason for 99% of all illnesses.

I don't get as many headaches either. I laugh more now and am so peaceful.

HOWEVER

I do have flashbacks and as much as I cope with them, they do intrude my thoughts and mind. They don't last though. Once that gets gone, I will be home free.

But for sure I am much happier. No one's gonna take that from me again, EVER!

I think it does. I left him a couple times and went back. I finally left for good this time! I had to work up a plan to get out safely...it was like a prison!

Now I have an appetite! A BIG ONE...lol. It's soo strange to me. I lost weight with him, and I'm already tiny. He used to get mad at me if I brought food home from work...LIKE CHIPS! would accuse me of "stashing food" although I'm broke.

Problem is he eats everything. Like a steak or a whole roast & 4 hotdogs, then is still hungry. He was always jealous if I had foood. Then mad at me if I didnt eat something He cooked. He'd make comments about my weight all the time "I like you this size".

And once told me....well everyone looks fat in sweaters.

I know I'm going to be healthier! Less stress for one thing! So glad I'm out! You can get out too....start planning ;)

Thank you so much for all your replies
I am honeslty so ill right now , all i can think about is getting out because of my health more than anything....
i cant sleep or i sleep too much , im eating too much , constant headaches , skin disorders , im getting a lot of acne and boils......i have zero energy to do anything , it takes me all day just to get myself dressed but i think a lot of that is depression also.
i just 'feel ' ill if you understand and im sick and tired of being sick and tired.......
i cant wait to get out........xxx

Sick and tired of being sick and tired...exactly. You are so exhausted of being exhausted and its all you can do to accomplish anything. Everything I got done in a day took all of me and was agonizing. Just keep pushing. You'll have one more spell of darkness when you leave because you'll have to cope with everything and then it will be easier from there. Just hold on.

Yes immensely.
I sleep well most of the time now. I don't have stomach aches constantly and even my arthritis has improved.
Every health problem is magnified and worsened imo by abuse and healing takes much much longer.
I feel comfortable in my own skin again and like I can breathe and relax. It's sooo nice now.

Similar to everyone else, I had terrible health problems and had to be hospitalized twice in two years while with him. I lost a lot of weight and couldn't gain it back, had problems eating, didn't get enough sleep, kept getting pneumonia... Too much stress and exhaustion is horrible for the body, the mind. You'll get healthier when you are on your own and you'll be able to pay attention to your body and your own needs, instead of constantly being required to drop everything for the abuser. So happy for you and your plan of escape!

wow, i can totally relate to all your comments. i lost a ton of weight too. i'm 5'6 and i think i was at around 105lbs when i left from stress and also from him being a bum and never buying food and then eating everything i bought. in the 8 months we were together he only took me out to dinner twice!- that was my fault for some reason of course! then he would constantly put me down and tell me how awful i looked. also comment on how great other women's behinds looked. i felt horrible and ugly all the time.
i'm out now, but struggling pretty bad financially. he would pop into my life occasionally to ask how i was, say he cared and was worried. but really he liked to point out what a failure i was "without him" i have good days and bad. not knowing where my rent money is coming from has taken a toll and i've been sick the past week, i think the struggle part is making me resentful and still feel the pain and affects that relationship had on disrupting my once normal functional life. getting back on your feet is hard. but definitely worth it. i do not regret it one bit.

YES!!
I've gained some weight. (I needed it)
I sleep through the night!