Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I haven't talked to my family in 3.5 years. During this time, they reached out to me about, maybe 4 times, and before that they didn't call too often unless it was to plan some grand annual event (Christmas for example). When I stopped talking to them, they tried to reach out to me on my birthday 2014 and 15, but this felt more like a guilt trip. It should be noted that the first month of this rift, they received info that I was really sick. The family sent one person, (whoever had the time I guess), to call my husband to "see what is going on!" And it was a rather hostile call. They never called except on my birthday, they would call on my birthday leaving voice messages "It's been two years. Miss you."
This year, they didn't call me on my birthday. I thought okay, it's for the best. I was ready to move on. But....and I KNEW they were going to do this....they text me when someone dies.
"Thought you shouldn't hear from the internet, but Aunt so and so passed away this afternoon. "
I deleted the text right away so I forget the gist of it. But I remember feeling it was a fairly gruff message. Anyway, no word on service or anything. Which is fine because my gut instinct is telling me not to go. I've healed so much these past 3 years, I feel like going back under any circumstance might put me back in a bad place. I'm afraid to even send a card, even though that sounds rather cold.
Anyone else have these issues? What did you do? Thanks!
This year, they didn't call me on my birthday. I thought okay, it's for the best. I was ready to move on. But....and I KNEW they were going to do this....they text me when someone dies.
"Thought you shouldn't hear from the internet, but Aunt so and so passed away this afternoon. "
I deleted the text right away so I forget the gist of it. But I remember feeling it was a fairly gruff message. Anyway, no word on service or anything. Which is fine because my gut instinct is telling me not to go. I've healed so much these past 3 years, I feel like going back under any circumstance might put me back in a bad place. I'm afraid to even send a card, even though that sounds rather cold.
Anyone else have these issues? What did you do? Thanks!
you got this...
If you feel the need to say your good byes to your aunt and/or condolences to her family, but don't feel comfortable doing either/or directly, then you might consider doing it (depending on your beliefs) via a prayer or a letter that you burn after writing.
I find writing letters and then burning them is very cathartic.
~healing hugs~
If you're glad that they texted you to let you know, then I'd say send a card.
If you aren't happy they contacted you, I'd say don't.
I wouldn't overthink it. If you're family has issues with you, they're going to find fault no matter what. And if they don't have issues, they're not going to find fault.
There's always the option of going to the cemetery after all of the official ceremonies are over. If you wish, you could even lay flowers on the grave at that time.
Or make a donation someplace in her honor.
Thanks everyone.