I was never afraid or scared of you. I didn't have a reason to be. You always promised me it wouldn't happen again and you loved me so it was okay, right? You were sorry and I was just a teenage gril. You convinced me that I was making things worse than what they really were. You loved me so I had no reason to be afraid of you.

I protected you, kept your secrets, answered every late night phone call, drove you home from bar after bar, and stay to take care of you at 2 AM instead being home sleeping. I was the strength when you had none, I cried every tear you couldn't allow yourself to cry, and I made you laugh on days you didn't think you could make it through.

I listened to all of your dreams and I made every one of them my own with hopes of someday helping you make them all come true. I sat with you in the middle of a field while you promised me a life together and promised that you had changed. You built this life and you swore it meant nothing without me there. You did it all for me and I wanted it so badly that I convinced myself to believe you.

I was there through the lies. I forgave you for the countless times you cheated. I stood in front of you while you broke promise after promise. I walked away from years of friendships when they told me you weren't good for me. I made myself smaller and weaker so you could become tall and strong. I believed in you when no one else did. I stood up for you every time someone tried to bring you down and I made damn sure that you never had to feel alone or unloved.

I have been your friend, your girlfriend, and everything and anything you needed me to be, whenever you needed me to be it. I was there, whether it was being an active part of your life, or waiting while you took the time that you needed. I have loved you even when you were completely unlovable. I stood beside you when the rest of the world turned their backs and I gave you my whole heart hoping that it might fix all the brokeness inside of you. 

But you broke me instead. You played your sick, twisted games and convinced me that you cared. You were asking me to marry you while you were dating 4 other girls. You stalked, threatened, bullied, hit, pushe, choked, and raped me. You humiliated me just to get a good laugh. Time after time you continued to make me feel like I wasn't good enough, like I had done something wrong, like something was wrong with me. So I tried harder. I worked harder. I made you the center of my life hoping to just get it right this time. 

I was only making things easier on you though. I made you look better. I made excuses for everything you did. I cleaned up every mess you made. I mended all of your fences. Whatever trouble you got yourself into, I got you out of and you just kept making a train wreck out of your life because you know I would take care of it. You knew it didn't matter what you did to me, I would still be there.

I've gone two weeks without any contact with you and in those two weeks, my eyes have been opened. The things you've done disgust me.I literally get sick to my stomach at the thought of you. You are a sad excuse for a human being and a complete waste of potential to be something amazing and the fact that you can't even see that just shows how completely screwed up you are.

It doesn't matter how badly you hurt me though. There is no amount of anger, sadness, heartbreak, or shame in this world that will ever make me forget who I am. I still hear your voice in my head every day. Telling me I can't. Telling me I'm not good enough, I'm not strong enough, I'm not pretty enough. Telling me not to bother, I'll just screw it up anyways. And everyday I remind myself that I am a good person. I am smart and regardless of what you have always said, I've become successful. I have my own dreams now. I have friends and I have family. That might not seem like a lot, but it's a whole lot more than you will ever have until you finally have the desire to turn your life around. I've realized that you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped and I can't keep cleaning up your messes for you. 

I hope that someday you can find your way to the man I know you can be and I hope that you can see the only thing people have wanted to do is love you. I hope you make amends with the demons in your past and I hope that you take this second chance at life to do something amazing. More importantly, I hope you are able to find forgiveness and know what true happiness feels like. 

Always,

Me.