Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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kerryon1 04/02/2007

I have been out of an emotionally and verbally abusive relationship for almost 3 months now. I have not been dating or even trying to meet someone. But...

Last week a guy showed up at one of my jobs (I work part-time at a store at night) and we got to talking and I was talking more about jobs b/c it sounded like he might have some connections for me, but he seemed more interested in me.

He gave me his business card and said why didn't we talk more when I wasn't working so we could talk better. Then he asked if there was a number he could reach me at. I was a little hesitant b/c I had to change my cell phone b/c of my ex and no guys from my past have my new cell #. I gave it to him anyway. He called yesterday and left a message to call him back. I almost did last night, but couldn't make myself b/c I figure what if he hurts me too? I can't go through it again.

If I decide to go out w/him I will have to take things WAYYYY slow. He seems like a nice guy and not creepy or anything.

What do you think, should I go out w/him? How long did it take any of you to start dating after your abusive relationship?

THANKS.

deleted_user 04/02/2007

I understand what your are talking about and I think that it is really smart to take it slow, going to fast was always my down fall. It took me 3 years to start serious dating again. But I don't suggest that. I suggest that if you are ready to go back, do it, just like you said take it slow, and listen to your gut, and remind yoyourself that he is not your X, but also don't become blind, find the happy medium.

But when I did start dating I met my husband, we do have our problems, but he has never abused me in anyway. And I love him even more for it. I wish you the best of luck! I'm here if you need to talk.

deleted_user 04/02/2007

I think you should date whenever itfeels right to you.
A few books recommend a 6 months period. I think the best guideline is the level of your self esteem. Do you feel energetic? Do you feel good about yourself. Do you know what you really want? You need to find your own emotional balance before starting a serious relationship. You need to be happy about who you are. Do you know who you are and what you need?
Don't start dating out of wrong reasons. If you want to "cure" yourself with a relationship, then I would say take a little longer.
Have you been to therapy? Are you finished healing?
If you decide to date, try not to invest yourself emotionally too slow. Read about "warning signs" and look at the date for who he is, not what you want him to be. Don't settle for something you don't really want.

deleted_user 04/04/2007

Three months is not a very long time .. and healing from abuse takes a very long time .. sometimes ..

Please trust your inner voice . your heart .. and you will be just fine .. move very slowly .. and if he's not comfortable with the pace .. you will find out who he really is ..

If he respects you .. and abides by what you feel inside .. you will be doing fine .. if not .. and he moves on .. he was not likely interested in much that would do you good, in the long run ..

Best wishes to you .. Ray

deleted_user 04/04/2007

It took me year to star dating again. Take it really really slow. Be friends first. Have a coffee with him. Get to know him. Do not let him get physical unless YOU are ready. It is really scary to date. But part of normal life is knowing that whenever you date, there is always a possibility of being hurt. But that is normal, and it is part of real life. Our lives were not normal, so we are hypervigilant because we can imagine the devastating emotional pain that one human being can cause another. Most normal guys do not cause that much pain, believe me.

deleted_user 04/15/2007

First off i am sorry to hear the you even got put in that situation. I was in an abusive relationship for 3 years. when it was finally over it took a while to actually get over everything and start to even talk and eventually go out with guys. IEven when i went out ewith one i was very hesitant about opening up and being myself because of what had happened and i was afraid that they would be the same way. My only advice is to try to use your judgement. If you do go out with him start off by meeting him places in your own car and always public lplaces. but good luck. If you ever want to talk feel free to message me

deleted_user 05/25/2007

I am still not ready to date, since all of my so called dating has ended in lies and manipulations for them to get laid. Since men are programmed so hard to sex you up constantly, it seems almost impossible to find someone who is not wired that way.
Trust your gut instincts, its when we ignore them that we get in trouble. Also, I went out with someone recently but he caught hell from me. I told him from page ONE that I am tired of being manipulated and tired of peoples games.
We will not be more than friends as he is going overseas but I made it crystal clear that the physical part was simply not going to happen. He accepted that and has been a gentleman. But I do not have any real desire to deal with anyone like that again unless it is Gods will, instead of my own.
Just tired of people in general using other people. Trust your gut sis d

deleted_user 05/25/2007

Just remember something that is so pertitant! Don't carry the hate and anger from one relationship to another, or it'll be a garantee fail everytime. The sec I started to make comparsion/assumtions of my husband becasue of past experiences we started to have problems. Kevin isn't my X's he is SSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOO much better them.

So what I am trying to say is just give everyone in your life a chance to prove themselves. Don't be dumb but don't assume that they are going to hurt you!

Remember that I am not just blowing smoke, I have an extremely abusive past, but becasue i worked on myself and have worked really hard to become who I am today i found my wonderful husband!

I love you all!

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