Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
i don't particularly like psychobabble television, the dr. oz's and such....I feel they are oversimplified and always race through the important parts of the discussion to get to a commercial break. It feels false to me to talk about a guest's devastation and then gloss over it with a few well placed questions from the audience and tearful admissions, it's like the People magazine version of therapy.
BUT, I defy you to read a book written by dr. phil and not once smack your forehead like "damn phil, you're the level-headed friend I never had!" this is one quote i found especially mind blowing since at the time my self-hatred was surrounding me like a moat, isolating me from the world. I think my hope was that if i could will myself out of existence then all of my problems would disappear as well. (spoiler alert: that's not what happens)
"A successful reinvention doesn't happen when you hate the person you are. It happens when you love yourself enough to believe that you can do better and deserve better."
smart, right? and folksy? you bet your denim overalls! but so true. and like so many true things, so difficult, because it means you have to love yourself, right now, mid disaster. for me it's looking at a reflection of myself in a dirty t-shirt and unwashed hair and saying "i'm beautiful." it's sifting through a pile of unpaid bills and the financial nightmare my divorce is causing and saying "i'm smart." it's drawing a picture of my axe-weilding murder fantasies and saying "i will trust and love again."
it's tough, but i think it's the only way.......unless someone has an easier option, and i am open for suggestion.
BUT, I defy you to read a book written by dr. phil and not once smack your forehead like "damn phil, you're the level-headed friend I never had!" this is one quote i found especially mind blowing since at the time my self-hatred was surrounding me like a moat, isolating me from the world. I think my hope was that if i could will myself out of existence then all of my problems would disappear as well. (spoiler alert: that's not what happens)
"A successful reinvention doesn't happen when you hate the person you are. It happens when you love yourself enough to believe that you can do better and deserve better."
smart, right? and folksy? you bet your denim overalls! but so true. and like so many true things, so difficult, because it means you have to love yourself, right now, mid disaster. for me it's looking at a reflection of myself in a dirty t-shirt and unwashed hair and saying "i'm beautiful." it's sifting through a pile of unpaid bills and the financial nightmare my divorce is causing and saying "i'm smart." it's drawing a picture of my axe-weilding murder fantasies and saying "i will trust and love again."
it's tough, but i think it's the only way.......unless someone has an easier option, and i am open for suggestion.
Very well said vernacular. And, love the Dr. Phil quote! Love Dr. Phil period!
Which book are you referring to by the way? I watch his show all the time, but never read any of his books.
(Or is it:
Hear, hear!
Which ever.)
I have found loving myself that much harder, because of the types of abusers I have had. Following the template my father embodied, I have always been a sucker for the toxic, narcissistically depressed ones who constantly need lifting up and reassuring that the hell they have created in other people`s lives is not their fault. I even thought I was being virtuous by repressing my desire for a self, and always being the "nice" person who never gets mad or says no.
But they wouldn`t EVER lift; they just twisted me and dragged me down with them. All of my energy was drained by being their fruitless cheerleader and supposed solace.
I love the way you put the part about loving yourself "mid-disaster" too :)
dr. phil refers to people who screw with you as "baiters" that pull you in and mess with your head. all abusers fall into this category, and they act this way with full knowledge of the pain they inflict. they freely choose in every situation to continue to cause hurt and damage everyone around them because it works for them. dr. phil uses as an example a woman in his organization who was stealing from him who totally had him fooled and speaks to that feeling of being unexpectedly blindsided and wondering how it could happen.
i like this book because he doesn't concern himself with the why's and the how's of abusers, because he doesn't care about them. this book is like a manual of how to spot people like this and keep them out of your life. i recommend listening to this audiobook, because there are some tough truths dr. phil lays on you, some of which will make you weak in the knees with sudden, nauseating clarity. that's when it's helpful to have phil's warm, gentle voice cocoon you and soften the blow.
he feels this book should be a course taught to kids in school, and i absolutely agree. it is strategic and empowering, and knowledge i wish i had long ago. Life Code. read it.
I confess that Dr. Phil kind of creeps me out, but he does seem to make a lot of sense at times.