Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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angc 08/10/2007

I am three yrs. out of an abusive relationship, we share a six yr. old son together. I do have supervised visits in place for him and our son, but according to the divorce decree, have very little control on the amount of phone calls that are appropriate. Because my son is only six, I am protective of what is said to him on the phone, as he is often angry when he finishes talking to his father, I too, still receive verbal and emotional abuse over the phone. I have been told my counselors to stop taking his phone calls, but told by attorneys, I can't make that decision.
Anyone else feel stuck between a rock and a hard place, with no way out?

deleted_user 08/10/2007

If you don't answer the phone, and always screen your calls, until you can judge the stbx mood and then decide if it's an appropriate time to talk - how can the attorneys say that isn't allowed.
The other option - record the calls. Then you will know what he said to upset your son and you can give it to the attorneys.

deleted_user 08/11/2007

You could get a protective order which would keep him from being able to call you. Otherwise he could get arrested and it's easy to prove he called by getting phone records. But I don't know if you want to go that far. I had to get a protective order and it states in the order he can't call me and be verbally abusive towards me.

deleted_user 08/11/2007

get a protective order. if your attorney won't help you, got to the county courthouse where you live, go to the court clerks office, tell them what you need, and why. You can also do a modification to your divorce decree to specifically outline when he can call, how long he can talk to your son, and what time he can call, and still keep the protective order. you can also get a pay as you go phone for him to call your son on. turn it on when it is time for him to call, and then turn it off after he calls. Had to do that for my granddaughter, and it works really well. That way when he calls, you don't have to talk to him. The only reason he should be calling you is to discuss the child, and nothing else. if he starts in about something else, hang up the phone, and if he calls back, just ignore it.

LindaJean 08/11/2007

Do you have caller I.D.? Just don't pick up the phone when you know it's him. I agree with Snurk - recording the conversations could be useful.

angc 08/11/2007

I want to thank you all for your advice and support. I do have caller id, what I don't have, is a good way to record phone calls. However, after taking into account your replies and those of my closest friends and family, I have finally made the decision to cut ties. There is already an ofp in place and he has the ability to see him through a child safety center. Also, he was hauled into jail on other charges and they were finally able to serve him with contempt after three years. I realize now, that although the decree states he can have phone calls, it is too detrimental to my son and if he wants to report me for that, he'll have to take it to court, something I know he won't do, and if he does, the court will be waiting for him! Once again, thank you, your advice is much appreciated! Angc

deleted_user 08/11/2007

Record the phone calls.

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