Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
My co- workers pretty much just tell me how stupid I am for being with my boyfriend.... they tell me he's probably with other girls and some of them know about the abuse part. But they don't know what its like. They act like its so easy to leave. But it makes me feel so stupid. Its embarrassing! Should I let them get to me.... or should it just be none of their business??
If they are just flighty friends and not really there to help you, simply stop talking about it around them, unless you have bruises or other injuries you have to explain.
The best suggestion, however, is to tell them that calling you names doesn't help you at all. If they really cared about you, they would help you and support you in getting the help you need to get away. Tell them about the mind games he has played, the fear you have of what he might do, and tell them that you cannot do it alone. If they really care, they will step up and help you out. If they just want to feel superior, they will just continue to call you names, and that is full-blown abuse in and of itself.
One of my co-workers has recently gone through the same thing. Her ex-bf (now) has a court date for the abuse to her and the damage to her property. He is STILL playing mind games with her, so even after you leave, the abuse CAN continue, especially if there are any lingering after-effects like children, support payments or court dates. I try to be as supportive as I can, by showing empathy, but at the same time giving her suggestions on how she can "de-tox" from him, by alternate behaviors. For example, when she gets the urge to call him I suggest that she call me or another friend instead. This type of support does her so much more than calling her names, becase she starts the conversation with me by saying, "I know I am being stupid." The last thing I want to do is REINFORCE that, because she is NOT stupid. She is just under the control of an abusive man and needs help breaking free.
Since people who have not lived in abusive relationships cannot relate to those of us who have, this type of mindset can use your enlightenment. Use it as an opportunity to educate the general public, one or two at a time, on the real effects that abuse has on women. It is your chance to make something good come from what you have gone through. If people who have NOT been there start to understand what we go through, it just builds one more advocate for battered women, and God knows that we need all that we can get.