I think a parent is worse/harder. I can't exactly put into words why I think this, but I think it is a larger betrayal.

I agree w/ReNewed. IMHO, the parent sets up (and/or continues) the cycle of abuse and teaches the child it is ok to be abused and to abuse. A parent is supposed to love unconditionally and protect his/her child(ren). A parent [in most cases] is a child's first teacher and how a child first experiences the world. All of those experiences are store in the subconscious which creates a filter thru which we interpret everything else that happens to us.

So growing up in an abusive (or even a severely dysfunctional) environment teaches us (among other things) that abuse is normal and deserved.

It is a huge betrayal. It sets us up for every other type of abuse you mentioned...sibling, lover/spouse, friends, bosses, and even strangers.

Of course, these are just my thoughts based on my experiences.

I also believe that as we heal & get healthy, we are better able to detach - even from family members. That might mean No Contact with parents (or any other abuser), but sometimes, that's THE single most loving thing we can do for ourselves.

I've only had emotional abuse from both. For me the spouse abuse hurts much more. It felt like a bigger betrayal to me because I loved him so much and he said he loved me. I love my parents but it's different to the mad, all consuming type of love that I felt for the H.

Also, I think the parent abuse was much more obvious. I think that made it easier to deal with, because it meant I could hate them and easily detach emotionally. The H mental abuse was so subtle, it really screwed me up, and was combined with so many good bits that I don't know if I'm coming or going.

I have found that my family and my boyfriends or spouse generally cannot get along. I always feel torn apart between the two and have been abused by both. In the case of my spouse, I have to say he never abused me like my family did and I betrayed him in the long run by choosing my families wishes over his and remaining loyal to them. Had I to do it over again, I would choose differently. He never kept me under hit thumb like they did. Just my thoughts. I was close to and loved my mother but now that she is passed, I wish I had chose my husband. Oh well, you can't go back.

Even though I was adopted, I felt a larger betrayal by my family. As if they never truly wanted me and well in my case my abuse runs deep and insidious. My husband never harmed me that way.
I loved him deeply, put my all into him and like a flame it burnt out when it was not reciprocated, but he never harmed me. He just could not return that love.
I feel your parents should be able to love, protect and above all not put you in harms way. All of this went out the window. When a child's innocence is taken away, I can think of nothing more harmful.

My mom has verbally abused all of my life and I am 61 years old now. I feel that when a family member is the abuser it is the worst kind of abuser.

I agree that it abuse by a family member or a parent is a huge betrayal and imo it is worse because children are taught to see the world through the filter of their childhood experiences and if that filter consisted of abuse, it changed and colored their perceptions. It is virtually impossible to escape from family completely but an adult relationship can be ended through divorce or a breakup and it is considered acceptable. Completely cutting off family members is not as acceptable or common. Rarely will a person tell you that they divorced their family of origin due to abuse, but to say that about an ex spouse is common.

"........, the parent sets up (and/or continues) the cycle of abuse and teaches the child it is ok to be abused and to abuse"
I would just like to request that you change the above to "teaches the child it is ok to be abused OR to abuse.'

i may be biased about it but think its comeing from a family member. cause family is supposed to protect you and keep you from harm. not be the cause of hell.