Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Had another 'conversation' with H yesterday. Strange how every talk we have had in 20 years has ended up the same : him explaining to me why everything is my fault, getting angry with me cos he had to 'point out the truth' to me again then walking out and leaving me the whole burden of responsibility for the relationship problems.
It is so frustrating, unfair, unequal... he just will not consider that I have a valid point of view or that he may be responsible for any of our problems.
My sister is visiting for the holidays, I get to see her once a year and he is walking around like a time bomb about to explode. I can't relax or enjoy her visit because everything is about him. SO close to leaving now, can't eat, sleep, relax or enjoy anything when we are together.
The other day he spent half an hour in the car telling me how awful it is to be with me. Why doesn't he just leave???
It is so frustrating, unfair, unequal... he just will not consider that I have a valid point of view or that he may be responsible for any of our problems.
My sister is visiting for the holidays, I get to see her once a year and he is walking around like a time bomb about to explode. I can't relax or enjoy her visit because everything is about him. SO close to leaving now, can't eat, sleep, relax or enjoy anything when we are together.
The other day he spent half an hour in the car telling me how awful it is to be with me. Why doesn't he just leave???
He doesn't leave because he's complete. . . .
a predator with his prey.
He's not going anywhere.
You?
screw that. Get out.
It will hurt to leave, and it will be hard for a short time (a few months). If you stay, the REST of your life will HURT, guaranteed.
If I could, I'd meet you at the station!!!!
The only way to win is to stop playing the game. Feels like quitting, but it's actually winning. The whole point of the game is to keep you playing. So for as long as you play, you lose.
Stop playing his sick game.
Oh yeah and mine threatened divorce too but would never have gone through with it - it was just something to throw at me every now and then to make things still my fault. When he was cheating on me, I got "well the time for you to make changes was when I first told you I wanted a divorce, but you just kept on going as you were, and this is the result". He still didn't move out tho - just expected that I would continue to support him financially forever, while he spent all of his time and emotional energy with his gf.
And my first H? Well, he had a mistress too, and finally agreed to a "trial separation". He refused to spend any time with me at all during that trial separation, because he always had plans with her. But when he found out that I had (6 months later) foolishly had a one night stand ... he said "oh well, then you've ruined the marriage, it's over". My response? "What marriage?".
He will never leave. Only you can end the game.
Because that would be admitting defeat and that is something an abuser won't do. As long as both of you stays, he still believes he is in control because you are available for him to continue abusing.
Leaving him successfully may require you to be the one to leave, at least temporarily. Just think of how much more pleasant your visit with your sister would be if he wasn't there.........that and every other aspect of your life.
YOU have to leave. He will not.
Mine threatened to file for divorce numerous times.
The day he received the divorce papers from me, he looked dumbfounded.
Then he asked why I didn't discuss it with him first. OMG! I had spent the last 3 years trying to discuss our marriage to no avail.
Do what's best for you and get out. YOU deserve your life back!
The threats are just another form of control - they most certainly do not want US to take control of the process.