Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I haven't posted in a very long time, I guess kind of in denial of the whole thing that if I don't think about it, I don't have to deal with it. Well that hasn't helped at all, lately I have been getting more and more depressed with the fact that I haven't left my husband, been together 16 years, I've done all the for work, spoke to the womens shelter here but haven't been back in probably a year, I guess I figured why waste there time if I'm not ever going to leave. But that's the thing I want to leave more than anything but then I just don't. My husband told me he wanted a divorce this weekend because I wouldn't apologize to him for calling him lazy, long story short, I never did apologize and he just dropped the subject and I never left. I broke down when I was alone because it was the perfect opportunity to just walk out the door but yet still here I sit. Its like I freeze the instant it actually comes down to it and I actually end up feeling sorry for him and hate that I care about him. I've realized the love I have for him is more motherly than anything, I've always taken care of him and he's just always been here, hard to imagine him not being in my life but yet with him in it, he's ruining my life and our sons. I guess I just needed to get this all out and confide in someone how I was feeling, thank you for reading this!
The "perfect opportunity"? There is no such thing. If you had walked out then and there, with no plan in place, he would most likely have hoovered you back, then punished you for being so stupid as to think he was serious about wanting a divorce over the lack of an apology.
The closest you'll ever get to a "perfect opportunity" is by taking advantage of whatever support you can (here and on the ground) and working towards a plan. Be honest and open, we know and the shelter and those who support DV victims know that it's not just a case of "I want to leave, so here I am, leaving".
In the meantime, keep working on you - on your self-worth, self-esteem, boundaries. And always, practice self care.
Grab hold of your life!!!!!!
(Please listen to Livn.)
You can care for him.
The only thing wrong with that
is that while you're doing that,
you're putting yourself second
to that. And that wouldn't be
a good thing to do, no matter
WHO you're with, even the
best partner in the world.
Until you claim the position
of being FIRST in your life,
you will never be a strong,
happy "actor" in your own
life. When you haven't
been in the habit of doing
that, it's hard to begin.
Once you get in the
habit of doing that,
you'll never live
any other way!!!!
Love yourself, Hon.
LOVE YOUR LIFE.
GRAB IT BACK.
IT'S YOURS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Show your sons how
a strong, happy woman
lives, so that that's what
they'll look for, in their lives.
Sending you hugs and
healing prayers.
Take good care!!!!
But you do deserve help, it is that bad and if you need help, there is no shame in that.
You are strong. Don't be afraid to ask for help. And please, please stop beating yourself up because you do not deserve that in the least bit. One step at a time. Then the journey is not so overwhelming.
Hugs and encouragement to you.
We make changes when the pain of our circumstance outweighs the pain of change and with the knowledge I'm getting it is too difficult to stay this way in my marriage so I'm actively working on my departure.
This freaked me out at first and I told myself I couldn't or shouldn't mainly for two reasons: I felt sorry for him, thereby still laying a disproportionate amount of responsibility on me and also I feared financial repercussions. I no longer feel sorry for him (though I have moments) bc I acknowledge this is a CHOICE he's making. He chooses to be different with other people. The financial aspect, while still unknown, is also something I've determined to not keep me from leaving.