Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I have a 30 something family member with 6 biological children and 3 step children that is being extremely abusive verbally and likely in other ways.
He totally doesn't even get that his wife has sent 2 of her daughters to live with their biological father because of the abuse. His youngest son became so unmanageable that he has been sent to live with his mother (he was inappropriately touching his little half sister). I am sorely tempted to try to assist her in getting legal custody of the other 2 but she lives with her parents and can't really afford to keep all 3.
Is there some kind of support group for kids in this situation? I thought about recommending Ala-teen, but the abuser is currently not drinking or using, (a recent change).
Child Protective Services is overwhelmed with kids that have readily documented issues, it seems unlikely they would even look into this situation where the kids are adequately fed, housed, clothed, and going to school.
It is up to the mother to get herself and her kids out of there. Sadly, children learn what they live and live what they learn and you can already see that with his youngest son. What you described re the youngest son is all too often the child acting out what was done to him. And, imho, this is a huge red flag that makes me wonder if this guy is acting inappropriately with the other children.
There are a couple of things you can do to support the children.
1. Talk with the mother and suggest she get help from the local women's shelter. In addition to helping plan a SAFE way to leave, many shelters offer free counseling and support groups, finding housing, jobs and referrals to attorneys and therapists.
2. Urge the mother to get into therapy with a specially trained trauma release therapist. Unfortunately, many therapists do not understand or know how to treat the dynamics and effects of abuse and/or addiction codependence.
3. As far as alateen goes, if a group with healthy dynamics is available, it would be a good idea. Unfortunately, some 12-step programs are pretty dysfunctional.
4. Know that it doesn't matter if the alcoholic/addict is or isn't using. Just because there's no substance involved, that doesn't mean behavior changes. Actually, the substance has been said to be only 10% of the problem. The other 90% is behavior and that has no chance of changing until the user stops for good AND gets help. Without out the appropriate help (therapy/12-step program) the only difference between an active alcoholic/addict and one who isn't currently using is that they are a 'dry drunk.' when not using.
5. You might want to check w/your local shelter and see what they offer for the kids. Many shelters have free support groups for anyone who has been abused, past or present. They may also know of other resources for kids. If you can, talk w/the mother and suggest she go to the shelter and get some help.
Just know that it is up to the mother to get them out of there. But if you suspect that more is going on (physical/sexual abuse), then please take action to save the kids. Unfortunately, when in an abusive relationship, its often hard to see the forest for the trees.
As a wise woman used to tell me, focus on the action, not the outcome.
~healing hugs~
Last year I contacted the school counselor for the youngest boy via email; of course, for privacy reasons that counselor could not reply and I have no idea if any help was offered at that time.
I will try to get info on the nearest shelter in that area.
I typed and then deleted 4 paragraphs with details of what I saw, bottom line is that the abuse is still going on and I'm at a loss as to how I can help.
If I could somehow arrange an intervention to make him see that what he does is abuse.