Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I am living with a 40 y o woman who was abused and neglected as a child. She still carries all this baggage with her and refuses to acknowledge that her manipulative, controlling, and emotionally abusive behavior is abnormal. She actually said, "My children obey me to avoid making me mad." On top of the PTSD type issues, she's bipolar and won't take meds. "Wellbutrin is my happy pill but it made me get fat." It seems unlikely that I could get enough of her friends and family to participate in a group intervention. Any advice on getting to admit there's a problem would be appreciated.
Its not about her changing its more about people around her changing and putting their boundaries in place, being firm and saying that they will not tolerate her behaviour.
Once people's manipulative ways no longer work thats when they start hitting rock bottom and start admitting they have a problem and if they can't go any further down finally do something about it.
What you've described, in my opinion, is an intractable problem.
Even if you could engineer an intervention, it would be very unlikely to have any real effect. If it did have any effect, it would likely be a small effect and require a long time change.
The reality is that EVEN IF someone who is emotionally abusive with PTSD-type issue is NOT in denial, their ability to change is ----- percentage-wise ----- LOW.
I'm sorry. I could certainly be wrong. But from what I've seen and learned and lived, your relationship will likely change ---- and not for the better.
You ended your post by asking for advice on getting to admit that there's a problem. Okay. SHE's not likely to ever admit it. At some point, YOU may have to ..... and then decide what you're going to do about it.
How many spare years do you have? Decades can be invested into a problem that can't be fixed. How many extra decades can you spare?
The more the better, for this situation.
My best thoughts to you. Please, practice self-care.
Ilene
"Its not about her changing its more about people around her changing and putting their boundaries in place, being firm and saying that they will not tolerate her behaviour."
She has three children and a string of ex's who cater to her every whim; it seems unlikely that anyone will be enforcing any boundaries. Even I keep finding myself sucked in to trying to please her but I finally had to draw the line at using my computer, she kept changing things even after I had asked her not to.
Thanks for your support.