Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
So.....im reading a lot of stuff on the Melanie Tonia Evans site.
The healing she does helps us get our authentic belief system back.
So can someone tell me....how is it changed in the first place?
are we THAT brainwashed by abuse and love that we let our abuser change what we have beleived up until we met them?
How does the abuser change it?
i think if i knew the aswer to this it would help me understand a bit better.... thanks x
The healing she does helps us get our authentic belief system back.
So can someone tell me....how is it changed in the first place?
are we THAT brainwashed by abuse and love that we let our abuser change what we have beleived up until we met them?
How does the abuser change it?
i think if i knew the aswer to this it would help me understand a bit better.... thanks x
So glad I told you about her, her info is indeed indepth, and a little scary, it depends how much uncovering of your inner self you are prepared to do.. I try a little bit at a time, as all in one is very overwhelming...
As for your post... brainwashed... yes..
well they say " mud sticks"
so if you've got somebody telling you day in day out that they love you, adore you, want to marry you, etc etc etc.... it's all going to stick eventually..... then they start to do little things for us, and we think to ourselves " ohhh my other partners would have never been so nice and friendly"
You see where i'm going on this...
It's all one big set up..... it's all one big con.... they listen very carefully to what we say, and they remember anything...anything that can win them points..
sorry I can't go into it much further, but i'm like you and struggle to see how we really did actually allow it..
Much love from Susan
Xx
half of me is reading it and saying...oh my god thats me....and the other half is saying noooo thats not me at all........and then i start thinking well why am i here then? lol......
ok,,,,bear in mind that his 'stuff' has made me ill.....chronically ill , so i suppose now i DONT want to see it........
so he SET ME UP to abuse me !!!!!!
hes like...AHA..........heres someone to bully???????
Sorry but I just have to add to this. My ex did exactly the same to me, I told him everything there was to know about me. Awful things that happened to me throughout my childhood, things that I had kept hidden, I told him because I thought I could trust him, I really should have known better the signs were already there but I was young and naive. He knew personal stuff about my family, he threatened to walk into my work place and tell them what I was really like, ha, the nerve of him!! When I look back now, I am really proud of myself for getting the hell out, in the end I didn't give a damn what he was going to say or do, I had hit rock bottom, there was nothing he could do that could make me feel any worse! For 3 years I put up with his abuse being physical but I got to say the emotional abuse is what got to me more , bruises, cuts could heal but having your personal traumas that you are already trying to deal with even still to this day thrown in my face whenever he felt like, hurt like hell!!
He would tell me it was all my own fault what had happened to me, I have never met my Father but I know who he is, he would even throw that in my face saying no wonder my Father never wanted me, awww so cruel, he to me was pure evil and as far as I know he is till the same, this happened in my twenties I'm now going on 37, can't believe it!! There is so much more I could tell you but I know I am now rambling,lol!!
Please though never ever go back to them, I promise you they will never ever change, been there, seen it, got the T-shirt, etc,etc! Always here if any of you need a chat, love and hugs xxxxxxxxBeckaxxxxxxxx
But yes, you are right. You trusted him with your vulnerabilities in the belief that he would use that knowledge to help keep you safe and to avoid hurting you further, but instead he used that knowledge to attempt to destroy you.
These realisations that you are having, about who he is and what he has done, are really REALLY hard to take. But speaking as someone who went through them too, went through that disbelief that is the beginning of the end of denial, it's also incredibly liberating. It's liberating because it PROVES that it's him not you. It proves that there is nothing you could have done, said or been that would have changed him or made him see how fabulous you really are. Everyone has vulnerabilities - everyone. And we should be free to express those to a loving partner. How can we expect them to understand our vulnerabilities if we don't share them? And, what do we do with knowledge of our loved ones' vulnerabilities? Use that knowledge to ensure we don't open old wounds or hurt them further. We don't exploit them to tear our loved ones down.
So it's not the fact you have vulnerabilities, it's not the fact you shared them with someone you believed (someone who told you the) had your best interests at heart. It's nothing to do with you, it's no failing at all on your part. It's purely the fact that he chose to exploit your vulnerabilities for what he saw as his personal gain.
Yes, he did this to you. The good thing is that you can recover.
Oh and as for your original questions, the way they change our belief systems is by cunning and cruel manipulation, and by using those vulnerabilities against us. They start by building us up, so that we begin to trust them, and start opening up to them. At first, they appear to understand and empathise with our struggles and fears. But slowly that changes - and because by then we are already hooked, we are already in love with this wonderful person who cares SO very much for us, we can't face the reality that this wonderful person is being cruel, so there just HAS to be some other explanation. And so, slowly but surely, we stop believing the things about ourselves that we used to, and start believing what we are told by this wonderful, wonderful person who couldn't possibly be hurting us on purpose.
It's cruel, and it's deliberate.