Sounds like a control freak. Got this from Steadyhealth.com No Author was sited.

How to Recognize a Control Freak?

The first thing which gives any control freak away is the obsessive perfectionism, usually connected with trivial things. These people are capable of dedicating serous amounts of time and effort to unnecessary things, making all this behavior quite illogical in the eyes of others. Any failure to meet the expectations of a control freak may and probably will result in bouts of anger and scorning.

What is more, control freaks do not consider themselves perfect either. On the contrary, quite often, they judge their own actions, are insecure and suffer from their previous failures, not being able to forget them and move on. They always desire to be absolutely perfect. Yet, the impossible perfection makes them depressed and devastated from time to time.

Finally, the obvious factors are the characters of these people. Namely, they always try to mingle with other peoples affairs, correcting and directing them, criticizing their ways of conduct and living in general. Again, it seems as if control freaks are the imperfect agents of perfection, sent upon this world with a mission to change it and make it absolutely organized and tweaked.

Thus, living with this kind of a person is bound to be tough. Still, you need to be very tolerant and patient if you are to convert this person into a more socially acceptable individual. Therefore, start gradually, letting control freaks know that what they are doing is wrong, reducing their behavioral drawbacks one by one. Understanding and tolerance is the key, and, sometimes, even a simple talk can cause these people to come to their senses or explain the reasons behind their obsessive behavior.

Yes. I live with a control freak. Ever see the movie, "Sleeping with the Enemy"? Yeah, I'm told how the towels should be hung, how to load the dishwasher and how just about everything else should be. (this is after 15 years, hes still trying to train me to do everything his way)
The breaking point is that we own a business together, that we created together, but anytime we disagree on how something should be handled, it's his way or the highway. He's the EXPERT on everything...even though I have all the education and certifications in our business area.

Most victims of abuse have this experience.

As far as whether they can help it or not. . . .

think of it this way. . . .

it's like a piece of software in a computer.

It does its thing. It's the only thing it can do.
It can't do or run or be any other way.

So. . . . you can point it out, you can ask
them to stop, you can tell them it hurts you,
you can beg them to stop, you can cry in
pain and frustration. . . . . . .

and they will continue
because that's their programming.
The only way they will change will be
to get worse.

The only way you can achieve change
is to leave it ---- the "control freak" behind.

Best of everything, to you.

How to change diapers, how to use the vaccuum, how to cut vegetables, how to fold clothes, how to tuck in sheets, how to dress, how to do my hair, how to roll his joints, how to cut his toenails, how to arrange his lunch, how to park the car.... and as soon as I did something the way he asked he would change the way he wanted it. With him it was partially about control and partially about making me wrong in every little thing I did.

what Ilene said is so true.

we can whine, we can vent, we can read about it, we can explain to them, point out what they did, have other people point it out..


but in reality, we are completely alone when we are with our abusers because we can't get them to think right. NOTHING we will ever do or say, NOTHING that will ever happen will EVER convince them that they are wrong (even when they cry and say 'you're so right, what am I doing to you? I'm so sorry...'

because 10 minutes later (or 1 second later) they've gone back to believing that they are the ones who are right.

It's like taking a blind man saying see, see? this is not green, it's red!'

they will never SEE that.

we just have to disengage, get a plan, and get out.

they will always think we were wrong to do that.

I still have to get that last part right in my head. I still fear him thinking that I did the wrong thing.

I/we have to not care.

you could be talking about my dad here.
absolute control freak about literally everything.
"your doing that wrong,do it like this,your a useless dosy cow"-to my mum not me.
how to make a cup of coffee,hang the washing on the line,cook the tea.EVERYTHING.
I wont take it though.he tries.i know i will pay for it in the end but i tell him to f*** off.
i think it just makes really inedaquate people feel better to be in control and show authority.he thinks he is.but he is NOT in control of me
xx

And isn't it just awesome how when you finally think youv'e got everything right, they change the rules??

O boy, how freakishly true is all this..the most bizarre one for me was when we were newly married I was outside picking grass for our pet rabbits. He comes out and starts telling me that I am picking grass the wrong way and this is how you do it..!?! Used to get angry about it, then I got right into the trap of thinking he must be right and I am a moron.

Interesting about the control freak. A while back he tells me that I am controlling ( I never interfere or tell him how to do things). He gets angry when I disagree with his assessment of me and then badgers me until I admit that I am. ( still don't agree)

My ex-abuser would say: you walk too ahead of me, or too fast and get upset. I would apologize but he would make me feel like I committed some crime.

He would point out to me while we were walking in public and say: what's wrong, you look off! And I would say, nothing babe, everything is fine. And he would say, "no it isn't, what's wrong"...and I would reiterate everything is fine when it really was fine, and he wouldn't believe me...

He would criticize me in public, how I looked weird, or people thought we were disconnected, or some stupid shit like that, when I was just being myself, normal, like everyone else..

He would pick on me, neurotic like that, it would drive me crazy...

A good exercise is to ask the question back when they ask you. Project it back on them.

Mine would tell me I was a bad mother. I would smile and say thank God I am a good one. He would say some Christian you are. I would say thank god that you are not the author of my salvation. He would say what are you doing. I would say what am I doing, then look perplexed. When he would cut me down, I would say thank God that is only your opinion, others think differently. I worked hard in the end to mimic what he was saying to me with a stoppable action or response.

Mine was in one of his famous rants the other day when he accused me of not being competent with my life because I made a mess on his bed ( left ONE shirt on it). I told him that I didn't need him to tell me how to run my life, I am just fine without his advice and I've made it through 30 years of it just fine. To that he replied: 'and see what a joke your life is and the worst part is that I am forced to live it out with you'.

nothing I ever do is right, he will criticize me for the way I conduct every part of my life from the way I word my e-mails to my co-workers to the way I cook.

This is all part of the abusive personality and it kills you little by little. What I've learned is to just ignore him...because even negative attention is still attention and I don't want him to have any!

I know mine has OCD so he feels like he needs to control EVERYTHING!