I wrote this in my journal but wanted to share, hoping my experience helps others. Don't let anyone tell you what you are capable of:

"April 25, 2016
This Friday, April 29, will mark the anniversary of when I was accepted into college. After struggling with a neglectful family and un-diagnosed learning disability, I finally achieved my goal of attending university.

The event also marked the day I was truly going to leave my awful boyfriend who I lived with 2 years. I tried to move out before, but he convinced me to stay. He did so by asking to just, you know, join me while I looked at apartments? Then, when touring what would be my new home, he'd make comments like, you wouldn't like it here....

But on the evening of April 29, I received a letter in the mail announcing my acceptance to my dream school! It's hard to believe, but after 3 years of working two jobs, taking community college night classes, I almost did not apply. I was so down on myself the last year I lived with him, I nearly did not complete the last 2 classes required for me to attend a four year college. The last semester was the worse. Dealing with the grief of a lost baby, hearing him say "you know, most men would have left you at the hospital," but not him, he was "there for me." He, by the way, was the reason why I was in the hospital.

This was just one of many mind games.

It made sense that after two years of this, my life was growing dark. I was losing myself. So it's appropriate that my school's motto is "Fiat Lux" or "Let there be light," because as soon as I read my acceptance letter, the light came back. I knew who I was and what I was capable of.

As hard as he tried to hold me back, he wasn't going to keep me from going to my dream school. And he really tried to hold me back. Insults, putting me down, it was subtle at first, but got worse and obvious as he became desperate nearing the end of our relationship. When packing, he said things that, admittedly, stuck with me for years. I continued to carry his grief of a lost child and regretful decisions that we're not mine but his bullying and fear.

But you know what? Sitting in my cheap 500 square feet studio, in December studying for my finals, seeing my pathetic heater, with its thermostat reading 40 degrees inside my home, I did not once blink and say, "Oh, he was right, I really do not like living here." Instead I knew and felt I was exactly where I belonged.

April 29, is a very important day, one that changed my life, mind and career. The day this near drop out, one that my high school counselor gave up on, finally proved herself. The irony is, it was also his birthday.

Still trying to be a good girlfriend, I asked if he wanted to go out and celebrate since it was his birthday too. He said no, as though defeated and choose stayed home.

Later, after I moved out, I was glad he did. Because damn it, April 29 is my day, my achievement, my work, and the result of my own stubborn will. He had no right to interfere with my ambitions and knew he was a fool for doing so. "

End Journal.

I wish it didn't take a grand life event to shake me to reality. But once wrapped up in the patterns of abuse, it's hard to see how things should be and what one deserves.

Be kind to yourself and don't ever stop believing you can do better in life.