Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Pasted in from today's
Wolf's Daily Howl
A year ago today, the man I'd been seeing
(I thought. . . . seriously), informed me
that he'd be happy to go on seeing me. . . .
for fun and games. . . . but all the serious
things he'd been saying for most of a year,
had been, (and I quote), to tell me what he
knew I "wanted to hear."
I told him he could stick it (somewhere else).
And that was that.
I have not dated this year.
Frankly, I've lost confidence in the possibility
that there's anyone out there who is attractive
to me, attracted to me, and honest.
I know --- that sounds pretty cynical and sad.
After my divorce I had six months of therapy.
Then I started dating. That was seven years
ago. I went on a ton of first dates, had three
embryonic relationships and then this one that
was allegedly on a long-term track.
I'd started out hopeful. Escape from an abusive
relationship had not soured me to new possibilities.
I dove in. I gave them all a chance. Each in their
turned, turned out crappy. (Having learned a few
lessons on the road, to that point, I wasn't going
to settle for anything less than at least adequate.)
This last one was looking like a chance at a new
beginning. But I got conned again. All he was
out for was "a good time."
Well, we had some fun. We did.
I'm glad that I actually had some fun.
But that's not what I was investing my time
with him, for. . . . and he KNEW that.
One of the last things he said to me at
the end was that he had nothing bad
to say about me.
Well, that's nice.
Too bad I wasn't able to
return the favor.
He was a liar and a manipulator.
I haven't been looking to replace him.
Wolf's Daily Howl
A year ago today, the man I'd been seeing
(I thought. . . . seriously), informed me
that he'd be happy to go on seeing me. . . .
for fun and games. . . . but all the serious
things he'd been saying for most of a year,
had been, (and I quote), to tell me what he
knew I "wanted to hear."
I told him he could stick it (somewhere else).
And that was that.
I have not dated this year.
Frankly, I've lost confidence in the possibility
that there's anyone out there who is attractive
to me, attracted to me, and honest.
I know --- that sounds pretty cynical and sad.
After my divorce I had six months of therapy.
Then I started dating. That was seven years
ago. I went on a ton of first dates, had three
embryonic relationships and then this one that
was allegedly on a long-term track.
I'd started out hopeful. Escape from an abusive
relationship had not soured me to new possibilities.
I dove in. I gave them all a chance. Each in their
turned, turned out crappy. (Having learned a few
lessons on the road, to that point, I wasn't going
to settle for anything less than at least adequate.)
This last one was looking like a chance at a new
beginning. But I got conned again. All he was
out for was "a good time."
Well, we had some fun. We did.
I'm glad that I actually had some fun.
But that's not what I was investing my time
with him, for. . . . and he KNEW that.
One of the last things he said to me at
the end was that he had nothing bad
to say about me.
Well, that's nice.
Too bad I wasn't able to
return the favor.
He was a liar and a manipulator.
I haven't been looking to replace him.
He admitted that my online profile was truthful, that I was everything I said I was and more, and he was ashamed.
Well, it did not console me, the damage had been done. I have not been able to trust since.
I even took him back after he said he was sorry and he would not mislead me again, that he would not walk away.
The saying " Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me resounds in my head.
I am so stuck on bitterness and wanting to pay back the betrayal that I am almost willing to allow myself to do this dance once again with him just to even the score. But as they say, in the game of revenge, be sure when trying to get revenge, you dig two graves.
Something along those lines anyway.
I am so sorry you had to go through this..I get fooled over and over and sadly I am in a self destruct mode and I would not put that on anyone. The only men I trust at this point in my life are my ex husband as he never lied or cheated on me and my baby brother as he has never done these things to his wife.
I wish you peace and I wish you to be able to overcome your sadness and your cynical thoughts. Hugs...
L4S
YOU not dumb! But I do think this is in fact Ilenes story. If it weren't she would have said so somewhere before or after the Howl! Hope your brother is doing okay doll.
for your hugs and warm thoughts!!!!!
The "Howl" is my blog on the
HEAL CyberCircle.
HEAL is short for
Healing Emotionally Abused Livs
and "Wolf's Daily Howl" began
daily but is now a howl every
couple days, as I'm able.
I met the man on-line. We
seemed to hit it off in many
ways, right away. It turned
out that long ago, I had dated
his cousin. Most important things
seemed to be going along really
well, month after month. I did
see (what seemed like) small
red flags. But with so much
going so well, I stepped over
the relatively small hiccups.
And as Tamehau so accurately
desctibed in the profile of the
mature, eloquent guy who
would be a perfect partner
(presuming he's not abusive),
this guy was pretty wonderful
until he saw a year together
approaching, when he decided
that he shouldn't pretend to be
committed any further.
To be clear, I'm not bitter.
I'm just not optimistic.
Tomorrow's another day.
You are worth so much more than some of the jerks you have
actually had the patience to put up with. Thankfully, many of us
have learned from your lessons, and you have a heart of gold.
Wish you better days!!
I haven't dated in a long long time and to be honest I am better off. For one thing, I am not lonely, I have good friends and a lot on my plate to keep me busy. I know you are a busy person too and that does help a lot.
But still though when we put ourselves out there and find that special someone it seems life is better than before even if it was pretty good. And to find out he or she has an ulterior motive is aggravating. I feel the same as you do, someone may fall from the sky and be "the one" for me. But until then, I am with you and getting on with life.
Lots of love laughter and big hugs
Linda :)
It seems every relationship but one has been abusive and broken me down. When I look back now, starting to feel better about me, and working towards what I want to improve, I am allowing myself to remember good times as that. If I remembered every bad thing that has happened, I would be devastated and rocking in a psych ward somewhere. You are so strong, and the ladies are right... you don't need a man to make you happy!