Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Pasted in from today's
Wolf's Daily Howl
A year ago today, the man I'd been seeing
(I thought. . . . seriously), informed me
that he'd be happy to go on seeing me. . . .
for fun and games. . . . but all the serious
things he'd been saying for most of a year,
had been, (and I quote), to tell me what he
knew I "wanted to hear."
I told him he could stick it (somewhere else).
And that was that.
I have not dated this year.
Frankly, I've lost confidence in the possibility
that there's anyone out there who is attractive
to me, attracted to me, and honest.
I know --- that sounds pretty cynical and sad.
After my divorce I had six months of therapy.
Then I started dating. That was seven years
ago. I went on a ton of first dates, had three
embryonic relationships and then this one that
was allegedly on a long-term track.
I'd started out hopeful. Escape from an abusive
relationship had not soured me to new possibilities.
I dove in. I gave them all a chance. Each in their
turned, turned out crappy. (Having learned a few
lessons on the road, to that point, I wasn't going
to settle for anything less than at least adequate.)
This last one was looking like a chance at a new
beginning. But I got conned again. All he was
out for was "a good time."
Well, we had some fun. We did.
I'm glad that I actually had some fun.
But that's not what I was investing my time
with him, for. . . . and he KNEW that.
One of the last things he said to me at
the end was that he had nothing bad
to say about me.
Well, that's nice.
Too bad I wasn't able to
return the favor.
He was a liar and a manipulator.
I haven't been looking to replace him.
Wolf's Daily Howl
A year ago today, the man I'd been seeing
(I thought. . . . seriously), informed me
that he'd be happy to go on seeing me. . . .
for fun and games. . . . but all the serious
things he'd been saying for most of a year,
had been, (and I quote), to tell me what he
knew I "wanted to hear."
I told him he could stick it (somewhere else).
And that was that.
I have not dated this year.
Frankly, I've lost confidence in the possibility
that there's anyone out there who is attractive
to me, attracted to me, and honest.
I know --- that sounds pretty cynical and sad.
After my divorce I had six months of therapy.
Then I started dating. That was seven years
ago. I went on a ton of first dates, had three
embryonic relationships and then this one that
was allegedly on a long-term track.
I'd started out hopeful. Escape from an abusive
relationship had not soured me to new possibilities.
I dove in. I gave them all a chance. Each in their
turned, turned out crappy. (Having learned a few
lessons on the road, to that point, I wasn't going
to settle for anything less than at least adequate.)
This last one was looking like a chance at a new
beginning. But I got conned again. All he was
out for was "a good time."
Well, we had some fun. We did.
I'm glad that I actually had some fun.
But that's not what I was investing my time
with him, for. . . . and he KNEW that.
One of the last things he said to me at
the end was that he had nothing bad
to say about me.
Well, that's nice.
Too bad I wasn't able to
return the favor.
He was a liar and a manipulator.
I haven't been looking to replace him.
In terms of relationship, I myself have had a "half" a relationship for a while now. And while sometimes I think I should want or have more ... most times I think I am happy with something completely honest, which appears to be ever so slowly (too slowly for my liking) building over time. But from a major distance.
All I can say is ... don't give up, but that doesn't mean you have to keep looking either. Which is some pretty crap advice, really.
I was truly sorry to hear that one didn't work out. But you know for certain that you can and will maintain those boundaries, and so that's something. You deserve the best - shame I can't absolutely believe we get what we deserve (I sure as hell didn't "deserve" my past relationships lol).
I think I like it like Liv does, not to know the future, and to just follow the path put in front of me. And I know that's what you do, and I know that outside of this anomaly, your life is rich and full and happy, and wickedly busy, lol.
It seems like a good time to thank you for all the wonderful help you have given here over the years. Your knowledge, experience and education have helped countless people out of the depths of despair. I'm utterly glad that the idiot didn't send you there.
I think most of here feel duped. I know I did, but when I honestly look back, he told me indirectly exactly who he was as well as why he was in my life, but I just didn't want to see or accept it at the time.
i ignored my intuition that time. i don't plan on doing that again. any niggling, nagging doubts or questions about someone who i have ALLOWED into my life and he will be feeling the firm kick in his arse from me, out to the curb, and won't be ALLOWED back.
But they were small.
There was no hard-to-ignore, nagging feeling.
His actions were all straight ahead,
seemingly honest, apparently aligned
with what he said.
There was no sly tone of voice. There was
no sarcasm.
His body language was loving. He looked
me in the eye. He never stood me up or
made excuses. He always followed through.
He took me to fun places and nice restaurants.
We had increasingly good times in bed.
Looking back from this vantage point, there
were a few small things early on and a few
bigger things close to the end.
But some abusers are smart, smooth, and slick.
As a matter of fact, I'm pretty smart
and smooth and even slick.
And he got me, because I'm an honest
person and he wasn't.
Basically, I've just been too busy to
go out looking again. But, having
gone through two lousy marriages
and six years of post-divorce dating,
I think I've had it. If a good candidate
falls from the sky into my front yard,
hallelujah.
Short of that, I'm focusing on
my own well-being.
And as you know practicing self care as well as self discipline will help to make you stronger and less of a target in the future.
When I finally grew balls and told him to get out, he didn't even try to act like he cared.
I feel that I met the person I'm currently with at the exact time I was finally ready to accept him. II was looking forward to a calm life, living for myself, but Life has a way of happening, and I'm glad my karma had something good in store for me.
You are a light and inspiration to a lot of women on this site...you deserve the best and it will come.
((((hugs))))
I find this post so very important for the simple fact that some of us attact or attracted to certain personalities, ie my ex was very quite, appeared on the surface very confident and very mature and also the air of protection. His words were eloquent and carefully spoken. In a good person, these qualities are your perfect mate.
In an abusive man, these qualities can be hidden for years, or until, as they say, they are finished with you. The sting comes worse than a million scorpions gouging out your eyes. You wonder what you missed. Wonder where the signs were.
Was their something wrong with you???????? Your perception??????????? Your intuition?????????? Were you that blind???????? (these are the scorpions I refer to in the above).
Covert abuse is one of the worse abuses that you can ever imagine. It kills the soul in a very unique way. It destroys you faith and ability in most all people.
I now know the meaning of "Beware of wolves in sheeps clothing".
Take solice in knowing that the true person came out and that you did not rush into a relationship uneducated. Be glad that you opened your heart and know the lesson was that you still have to ability to hope.
Hope, there is always hope.
Much love to you! ALWAYS!
I am loving living alone, but for sure, I'd like to have someone in my life at some point, to share my bed, and a place in my heart.. I also am very leery of it though, how can you tell????? what if they're such great actors that they hide those red flags???
what if I like the so much, that I notice the red flags and make excuses..
ugh.
Even in online dating, I am just shocked at how RUDE guys are in that they will just disappear after having corresponded for quite a long time, etc.
There is currently a customer at work who is obviously interested. He is my "type" and appears very nice. I just can't get over the fact that so far, my "type" have been all assholes!
It is truly better to be alone than to be abused, and I cannot blame you for not dating for a year. Who knows though...there is still time to find someone who makes your heart sing and someone who is honest and non-abusive.
Thank you for sharing this...I think that sometimes we have this idea that after we leave and abusive relationship that life is all sunshine and rainbows, which of course, it is not.
Big hugs to you for better days ahead...
It is truly better to be alone than to be abused, and I cannot blame you for not dating for a year. Who knows though...there is still time to find someone who makes your heart sing and someone who is honest and non-abusive.
Thank you for sharing this...I think that sometimes we have this idea that after we leave and abusive relationship that life is all sunshine and rainbows, which of course, it is not.
Big hugs to you for better days ahead...