Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
ok, I need some help with this because it happens regularly. My wife is emotionally abusive like I said in an earlier post. I've been to two separate therapists (abuse was an issue they came up with for me; I went in thinking there was something wrong with me), they both agree, so here I am.
Lately I have been trying to take care of myself - I don't give in to every little request of hers and I do what's best for me. But there are times where she says that I never talk nice to her. For example - I have been sick, and this morning when the alarm went off she asked me to hit snooze (the alarm is on her side of the bed). I got up, hit snooze, and let the dogs outside. When I laid back down, the alarm went off again. She asked me to get up again and walk around the bed to hit snooze. By this time I was frustrated because all she has to do is roll over, stand up, and hit the alarm. I don't remember what I said, but there must have been frustration in my voice because she went off on "you aren't nice to me; I don't think you even like me." I apologized, said I was half asleep and still sick (all truth), and laid back down until she got up to start the day like nothing happened.
What is happening here? Am I too insensitive? Is it her controlling me? Or her keeping me off balance by saying I don't care about her? It's kinda driving me crazy! Even with everything going on, I try to be respectful.
are you "too sensitive."
This is standard stuff
for an emotional abuser.
There were several
components to this ploy.
The first was giving you
orders that were unreasonable
to begin with. But you
sweetly complied.
The second time, when
you justifiably protested,
she had you (just as she
had planned, at the start
of this "set up").
This time she (abusively)
went on the attack, which
essentially, is a deflection
from her own abusive
strategies. Her deflection
of blame serves to get
you to question and doubt
yourself while it simultaneously
keeps you from being
justifiably angry at being
the target of her abuse.
None of this is original.
It's all straight out of
"The Abuser's Playbook."
You will never convince
an abuser that s/he is
not an abuser. You will
never get an abuser to
become non-abusive.
There is no winning,
living with an abuser. . . .
only survival.