Aiki......you know more tham me!!!! Could anyone here please enlighten me as to what post has caused this?

Russ....if you have any problem with anything I have mentioned in another post, please at least have the maturity to address your concerns directly to me or at ME rather than trying to have a dig at me in a new thread.

I need to make a few points clear here.....

1. I am NOT a man hater....I too have close male friends, in life and on here.

2. As QV says there are NO mixed gender recovery groups, and this is to enable people to talk freely without recourse...without anger being directed at them. This thread indeed, is an example of that if what Aiki has said is true.

3. I believe that men are abused too...by WOMEN...there are groups, helplines and support networks for JUST men, loads of them on the internet.

Agreeing to disagree is fine....absolutely fine, like you Aiki, it wont change my opinion but that doesnt mean we shouldnt get on and agree about other things.

Take care
xx

Just because women come here..and talk about their being or having been abused by a 'MAN'..only means they are discussing their reality..They could call their man a woman?..But i think that might confuse issues slightly??

All this hippy 'understanding' crap really annoys me when it comes to the gender issue..

Come in here and talk about your abuse by a woman..if it was a woman..and come in here and talk about your abuse by a man..if it was a man..If you mistrust men now, because you're a woman..feel free to say so...

Men keep coming in here and talk about anything but their personal abuse..Like russ mentions his abusive grandmother.So come talk about it if you want..But leave casting aspersions on women who are already being hurt, usually by their partner..most usually here..a man..by calling the man bashers here, out of it please..I don't want to know..

Sorry russ54..But after being told by you to stop shhotin off my mouth..No I don't want your advise about my relationship with my male ex...after reading your 'lets all heal together' crap and then you going on to vilifying women or their well entitled to feelings about any particular men they know..Who have abused them.

Sorry glamgrif...But by the very nature of gender abuse, in abusive heterosexual relationships, it does mean that in my mind, that segregation is necessary...Like russ goes to illustrate, his ex is an asshole...She also so happens to be a woman..

If russ54 wants to come here to talk about being abusd by the women in his life..Go for it, but please don't come in here, tell me you are very angry, and to tell me to 'stop male bashing'..and shooting my mouth off..when I have found a safe place to talk about having been abused.

I plan to keep doing what I already do here, just like other women here, which is to talk openly and freely about their experience of abuse, and about their personal pain.

kath08 I totally agree with you, I also think that russ54's post shows 'no understanding that you are in an Abuse forum'.

And making it about what we are allowed say, or not say..being told to more or less shut up talking about abusive men or about my ex and stop what I have been very safely doing here, is way too controlling for my liking..and I won't stop what I'm doing here, and in fact I plan to keep doing it.

This forum has been my lifeline for a year..and I and others talking about their abusive partners, is not to my mind, male bashing.

russ54..talk about your ex or granny and your anger..if thats what you need to do..But I will freely say that my ex was a total abusive nasty piece of hurtful headwrecking shit..because its a fact..he was..

For starters, in AA specifically, there are meeting groups that are "co-ed" AND meting groups that are gender specific. In fact, every member of AA is strongly encouraged to have a *sponsor* (it's something like a mentor. Someone who has been around the program for a while and can help answer questions and guide a newbie)and those sponsors have to be the same sex as the newbies. The reason for this is two-fold. First, vulnerability of the newbie is not to be taken advantage of by the sponsor. Second, the newbie can talk freely without having to question the political corectness of their words.

I belong to a womens support group here in town for survivors of domestic violence. There is also a men's group. They are held strictly segregated for the same reasons. Personally, I would never remotely discuss my sexual abuse with a man in the room, nor would any of the other women in my group. At one point we had Nurse Observers (university students) who came to observe our group. Usually they came in pairs and it went on for about 6 weeks. One time one of the students was a man. That night you couldn't get any of the women to discuss a blessed thing. No, it wasn't his fault, but the mere presence of a man in the group altered the dynamic so dramatically it was unrecognizable.

I can't speak to transgender groups since I have no exposure to them.

Honestly, it seems that this entire thread is proving my point. Although there is plenty to be learned from a mixed gender forum, gender specific forums are just as valuable. I am whole heartedly with vonnie and abfab that we need to set aside political correctness and find a path to true healing. Reularly being *spanked* for not being sensitive enough for someone's taste smacks of abuse. I lived for many years having to edit every word coming out of my mouth and I will be hanged if I will do it here also. A gender specific group is a great idea - maybe we should start one.

I think you already know my answer there QV.....lol

Likewise in my "Journey to Freedom" course...women only and yes, whilst it is a Womens Aid course I attend, they DO have affiliations with men only and indeed teenager abuse groups. I did ask the question to my group regarding mixed gender classes and how they would feel. ALL women were actually horrified at the thought of this and then the professionals who TAKE our group stated that it would not be possible for us, as females, to rebuild our trust of men, our vulnerability, self confidence and FIND our own Journey to Freedom.....for ALL the same reasons as already stated.

xx