Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
So my grandparents were forcefully divorced this summer and my mother is devastated. She’s been screaming at me lately and I’ve crying about it a little too much.
Her mother and father didn’t treat her the best growing up and their divorce has her yelling at me. ‘My parents never treated me with respect!’, ‘My parents are divorced!’ either one of those issues is followed by ‘Why don’t you have pity on me? When my life is so hard!’
It makes me feel like it’s my fault.
It doesn’t make sense but how am I supposed to help her with that? I wasn’t there when she was growing up. Nor could I have prevented my halmeoni and hollabeoji from getting divorced.
I want to know how others cope with grandparents divorcing and gaslighting. I love my mother but sometimes I think she shouldn’t have given birth to me. Becuz hell she really hates me sometimes.
"That must have hurt."
"Yes, it hurts."
"Yes, it was hard."
"No, you don't want this."
"No, it's not your fault."
"Yes, life is hard."
None of those statements put blame onto yourself, or anyone else, but they all validate what she's feeling at the moment. Try to give your mother 15-30 minutes of support daily.
If she will allow you to, give her hand a gentle squeeze or hug her.
Try to understand that it will probably take about a year for your mother to get completely used to the divorce. Meanwhile, try to spent time with friends, studying, at the library, or other things away from home.