I hope this is ok to post in this forum.  My on and off ex of about 4 years was never physically or verbally abusive to me.  Looking back, however, I very much believe he was emotionally manipulative to the point of abuse.  I am still far from out of the woods emotionally separating from him, and after making a post in the breakup forum was suggested to also check out this group.

My ex and I have known each other since we were in elementary school.  He is two years younger than me, and his sister is one of my best friends.  Initially she was excited about the prospect of us being a couple, but she has always been frank about his immaturity, and by this point she entirely supports me cutting ties with him.  Regardless of this, I find it likely I will have to limit my friendship with her as well.  The connection is too close.  I feel guilty about this.

I'm not sure what happened, to be honest.  If you had told me 4 years ago that I would have ended up long distance friends with benefits for some of that time, in a monogamous-open relationship* for some of that time, and just flat out miserable for most of it I wouldn't have believed you.  I would have laughed at the idea of me staying in a situation like that.  I'm sure most people here are the same.  I don't think it would be good for me at this point to relive too many details.  But I'm presently so baffled about how I got here, that I suppose I'll just vent a little bit...

*While he has technicalities for not "cheating" on me (because I agreed to and was aware of everything physical he was doing), I know at this point that my ex is someone who constantly has a slew of women at his beck and call.  By now I even think that he gets something twisted out of pulling on women's heartstrings.  It strokes his ego to have a woman enthralled with him, buying into his superficial charm.  

I don't doubt that I have been his primary emotional support for a very long time, which was important to me...And he himself was emotionally supportive about things I was dealing with.  Most prominently, my mother was very ill over the past year, and he did drop everything to help me deal with my anxiety when it was ripping me apart.  Again though...I think part of his motivation may have been that it did something for his ego to be the one I would cry to.  He may have been doing it more so to feel important, rather than because I was important to him.  At the moment no need to recount specific incidents that made me feel this.

He was much less adept at ever dealing with any negative emotions regarding our relationship.  Again, not verbally abusive, but would avoid and avoid and change subjects so that my unhappiness with aspects of the relationship could never be dealt with.  If I would boil over at this (sobbing), would either retreat and not respond or would end the conversation because he just "couldn't handle" me being so upset with him.  Most obvious sign of manipulation, when I was just expressing my own sadness and hurt would say things like, "If all you're going to do is say things to intentionally make me feel bad, then I'm done talking to you right now," even though I was not talking about his actions.  If he was feeling guilty, he was refusing to accept responsibility for his own guilt.

I think perhaps one of the worst parts of this is that I'm pretty wise about manipulative people, due to one of my family relationships...I'm the one in my family who was and is able and willing to call it out for what it is when it happens, and that has been a good thing.  I even researched about how to handle manipulative people in your life in regard to my ex.  I intellectually figured out ways to protect myself and to have more productive conversations with him (it worked).  I tried so hard to make the relationship work.  After times I would cry, I would look back at the conversation and know I had been in the right and see the ways his responses had been evasive and manipulative.  Why did I just set that aside so willingly?  I'm ashamed and embarrassed of myself when I think of it logically.

And that's my vent.