I apologize in advance bevcause this will be slightly wordy.  But theres just so much..i don't think i can really condense it. It will mean the world to me if anyone reads this and can offer any words of support, i really am in a bad place and desperately am looking for any kind of advice. I'm really having a hard time and i feel. like im going to crack.  

My father and I have always had a tumultuous relationship.  I am now 24, im a female, and he is 60. We're two very different people, im an artist, tattooed, creative, free spirit, lover, supporter..he's very type A, rich Irish Catholic businessman and that's all he sees as a marker of success is money.  My parents divorced when i was 16 and when he couldn't torment my mother anymore, he turned his attention completely on me.  I should also mention i have a younger brother who gets none of this treatment and even will go along with him at times.

My father definitely has some kind of undiagnosed personality disorder..he's a textbook narcissist, down to every word in the defenition.  He goes into these mania-like rages where i dont even know if he fully remembers what he does and says.  He drinks a lot and self medicates. He uses my mental health as ammunition against me, and the way he's tormented me through my life is the root of a lot of my issues, which when i try to tell people or professionals for help, he says "she's just crazy, i think she needs a psych evaluation, shes spiraling out of control dont listen to her, im just trying to help her im worried about her, etc." its like a game.  

I need professional help to cope with all the issues I have because of him.  I get told i'm just blaming him and not being accountable, and I've lost two therapists due to him forcing his way in the door and making me sign a release form stating that they can tell him anything i say.  I don't feel safe anywhere. 

I turned to drugs when i was about 21/22, just so i wouldn't feel.  i couldnt do it anymore.  I have anger problems because of the way i've been treated, i fight a lot with people and then regret it afterwards, im overly defensive, i have severe depression and anxiety, i get paranoid over small little things, i have OCD, and i'm now a recovering addict to top it all off.  I've been clean and sober for almost two years now though. When he found out i was using, he called me every name in the book.  Junkie, loser, failure, disappointment, you name it.  Even now well after i've been clean, i still get called a worthless junkie whenever he gets angry at me.  And the things he gets mad at me for are insane.  He gets angry that I have a boyfriend who supports and loves me, says hes just a filthy junkie too and all that bs, he gets angry that i work as an artist and says that i "consistantly disobey him." He basically gets angey and calls me a liar every single time i do something for myself that i need.  He even so much as tried to tell me what time i have to wake up in the morning, whilst not living with him and not having lived with him for years, and how long to go workout every single day for.  while he lets my brother sleep until 2pm, but thats besides the point.  im a 24 year old woman, I can't have these very personal details of my life controlled by a madman.  when i went away to rehab, thinking that maybe this would finally get through to him and show him that he has to let me be my own person, that i cant live under the will of someone else because it will make me crack mentally, and that i can't be treated like trash anymore. He said what he had to say for the doctors, played mr. nice changed understanding father very well, well enough to convince me, and then on the car ride home from rehab he was already screaming at me that i might as well have not even gone because "you're still just as f**ked up as you were before you went."  

I don't feel safe. when i returned home I had no choice but to move into an apartment unit that he owns.  I pay him rent and I pay all of my own bills.  He is not financially responsible for me with anything, besides me living in one of his units. I have a roommate as well who pays him rent too.  My father keeps a key to our apartment, lives about 5 minutes away, and comes in as he wishes. Whenever he goes into one of his manic rage episodes, he barges in unannounced and tears the place up.  Gets in my face, tries to take me to "get evaluated," for what i have no idea - he harasses me through countless and i mean COUNTLESS text messages, voicemails, phone calls, and if i dont answer - he'll show up wherever i am.  home or at my job.  calls me the most foul, disgusting, and truly damaging things.  When he's coming over, even just to drop something off, i hear him coming up the stairs and i start to shake.  i cant live like this anymore.  He steals my mail.  Has stolen checks from me. He's held onto bills of mine before until they're at a final notice and i have to pay tons of late fees.  He sold my car so I go broke using uber everywhere, and so i can't get away from him.  He very much has a false sense of grandeur, that my roommate and i should be BOWING down to him for allowing us poor, stupid young people to live in his WONDERFUL apartment.  That im SUCH a burden on him and the family but he puts up with me anyway because he's SUCH a generous and caring guy.  Yeah, BS. 

I've gotten police involved before - he tells the police im a crazy drug addict and that they shouldnt listen to me and that he's just "trying to fix me." So I get no help. He even tried to make me call the police station after theyd left and say "im sorry, i lied to you, my dad isn't the problem, the real problem is my crazy mother and i just lied about it to hurt him, im sorry i wasted your time." i didnt do that, but thats an example of how nuts he actually is.  

My roommate and boyfriend (they are friends as well) have had enough.  They can't watch me deteriorate anymore. 

We've all found an apartment together about an hour away and plan to move in on April 1st, to get me away from here.  

I am so terrified, so full of fear, to tell my father that i'm leaving.  He will go absolutely balistic, even hire a private investigator to find me and follow me around, he'll behave probably worse than ive ever seen before.  I stay awake every single night and just cry because im so scared and i feel so isolated at times.  I wish i had enough strength to face him confidently and tell him that im done and that im leaving, but i still havent told him and its a week before i move.  I am just so scared, and of what specifically i dont even really know.  I just know it wont be pretty.  

can anyone offer any words of support, advice..anything? i desperately need it.  

Thank you.