I was watching the 'Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' tonight, and I was struck by the realization of how much my ex hated me being happy.

In case you haven't followed the show, Taylor's husband was an abuser who later committed suicide and left her with a mountain of debt. Even through death, he continues to attampt to ruin her happiness. I was reminded of all the times throughout the show he would subtlely sabotage her moments of happiness and demand demean her under the guise of being 'helpful'.

My ex did the same thing! He would get especially jealous of the clients I worked with, and often demanded to that I come see him immediately or it was 'over'. He would often do the same thing when I was attending family events, things I would invite him to but which he had no interest in ever attending despite how much it meant to me.

I spent this last weekend in Las Vegas working and later, partying. I just wanted some sunshine in my life and to have some fun! I was there less than a day before he began blowing up my phone saying that this was my 'last chance' to see him again, and that if I didn't, he must not be important, he must not mean anything to me, blah, blah, blah. Thankfully, I had turned off my phone. Later, I check my phone and there are endless text messages from him having a whole arguement- by himself! I have never not responded before, so it was interesting to see how he progressed to attempting to start a conversation, to accuse me of 'cheating' (say what? I haven't seen him since the middle of December!), and then apologizing, to saying it was a joke and couldn't we please at least be friends? I never answered. I was too tired emotionally to reply. Besides, contact has always led to more of his games...

When I reflect on our relationship, I am reminded of how he would never let me be happy. I published several articles, even winning an award for one, was offered an amazing job with an outstanding company who is never known to hire ANYBODY, and each time I would go to him to share some piece of amazing news, he would undermine it. He said my writing wasn't serious, blew off the award (so much so I never told anyone about it), and that the job offer was good, but that I couldn't handle it, implying that sooner or later they would see through me and I would be fired. What the heck?

Twisted as it is, over time I started believing his lies. I feel as if I have no accomplishments. However, I am no beginning to see that this was just his way of controlling me, of erroding my self-confidence so that I would stay with him. Ironically, he would also tell me how great I was, how I deserved someone better than him and that he didn't understand why I was with him... Much like kai23's post below. Where do they get this stuff?