Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Over time we've heard all kinds of
RECAPTURE tactics,
including but not limitied to:
[] Admitting to being abusive
[] Apoligizing
[] Crying
[] Promising it'll never happen again
[] Writing letters of contrition
[] Getting sober
[] Going to church
[] Going to couple counceling
[] Going to their own counceling
[] Reading something the escaping victim gives them
[] Doing housework
[] Suddenly engaging in parenting
Here's a few mine did
[] Read a chapter or two of
Patricia Evans' book and
told me he saw himself
[] After having continually complained
that I didn't generate enough money
(even though he earned nearly six figures
and we never did ANYTHING beyond stay home),
he told me I didn't have to work for a summer
[] Took me on fancy vacations
after having never spent half
a penny on anything that I
needed or would have
enhanced my life
[] Told me he visited my father's grave, to "ask"
him how to be "a better man." When I ignored
his tactics, two weeks after the supposed
chat with my father, he was neck deep in
an extra-marital affair
What were the tactics they tried,
in an attempt to manipulate You?
RECAPTURE tactics,
including but not limitied to:
[] Admitting to being abusive
[] Apoligizing
[] Crying
[] Promising it'll never happen again
[] Writing letters of contrition
[] Getting sober
[] Going to church
[] Going to couple counceling
[] Going to their own counceling
[] Reading something the escaping victim gives them
[] Doing housework
[] Suddenly engaging in parenting
Here's a few mine did
[] Read a chapter or two of
Patricia Evans' book and
told me he saw himself
[] After having continually complained
that I didn't generate enough money
(even though he earned nearly six figures
and we never did ANYTHING beyond stay home),
he told me I didn't have to work for a summer
[] Took me on fancy vacations
after having never spent half
a penny on anything that I
needed or would have
enhanced my life
[] Told me he visited my father's grave, to "ask"
him how to be "a better man." When I ignored
his tactics, two weeks after the supposed
chat with my father, he was neck deep in
an extra-marital affair
What were the tactics they tried,
in an attempt to manipulate You?
my (now ex) boyfriend will probably try some sneaky stuff but I'm going no contact. I am not being hurt any more by this lowlife.
*Offered me another baby
*Cut me off from our money
*Told me he loved me (while signing up for RSVP)
*Pretended to be a parent
*Did a few sessions of counselling
*Admitted the abuse
*Said it was all his fault
*Tried to tell me I "hadn't told him properly" how bad the relationship was and therefore hadn't given him a chance to fix things. (Biggest lie ever)
*Said now that he was aware he had done a 180 degree turn and would never do it again
*Came to Daily Strength to look for recapture ideas
*Went to couple's counselling (which was a one-off set up by me to get him to admit it in front of someone independant)
*After having continually complained that I didn't generate enough money (even though he earned nearly six figures), he told me I didn't have to work
*Spoke to friends and family to try to convince them he was devastated by losing me
I heard these same ones
**Told me if I came back, I didn't have to work (he makes the six figure income!)
**Cut me off from money
**Pretended to be a parent
**Told me I ended it improperly and didn't give him a chance to fix things.
**Admitted that he treated me badly, and that he is all better now, it's too bad he's "moved on" and "into someone else"
**Cried
**and my favorite....showed up at my door nude one night!
-Cried
-Housework
-Wrote letters and texts
-Made sooo many promises
-Apologized
show up at my father's
grave ---- nude.
The second time my ex came back, there were 4 things he agreed to:
1. dump the girlfriend, which he said he'd done - that lasted about 3 hours before he was texting her again;
2. get a job - far as I know he didn't even apply for months, and when he did, all he did was put his resume up on a job site and turn down a couple of offers because they would be "boring";
3. sleep in the spare room and treat me like we were "dating" again to see if we could make it work - he later told me that it was ok for him to have a girlfriend because he'd moved back in on the basis of being roommates only (really, so why did i still have to pay for his sorry ass and why did I have to do all the housework etc); and
4. getting help to quit drinking - well, I ended up doing all the work to get him help, while he did all the drinking.
He admitted to being abusive, but still twisted it around so it was kind of really my fault etc. He told a HEAP of lies about what he was going to do, none of which he ever did. Oh yeah, he also went to one marriage counselling session - turns out he only did that because his PO told him to. Same with getting his own personal counsellor - was because his PO told him to and because he wanted to look good the next time he was before the court for breaching the protective order.
The last one....much less violent....
"You know I don't go back. Once we're broken up that's it, it's over."
(UHM.......Thank God??!!!)
Actually, most of them didn't beg.....maybe I missed out on the fun. Or maybe it was because I had a lot of male friends ready and willing to kick their arses!! Who knows?
He made me an audio tape....back in the cassette tape days. He pleaded, told me he would go to couseling with me, told me he would stop treating me like his housekeeper and cook, told me he would pay more attention to the things I was interested in.......
10 minutes into the tape......He proceeded to tell me that when we had sex he felt like he was screwing a prostitute......
Way to convince a woman to stick around!!
You reminded me of one
that mine used and that
I've heard is used a lot:
"Now that I know what I've
done, I NEED YOU to
help me learn how to change.
BULL SHIT.
(sorry for the language,
but I meant it)
Cried
Told me he would never abuse me or hurt me again
Told me he would "do whatever I needed him to do to be with me"
Made promises to me (that he would do therapy, etc.)
But he never truly acknowledged his behavior as abusive. Never. He never truly apologized from his heart. And even if he did, it still would have been a lie just like all the other lies.
The house is falling down and he now thinks the insurance company will say we can't claim because it has been left to get so bad.
YEARS ago when things bothered me.....NO INTEREST!
I have electricians, plumbers, roofers and builders all as family or close friends.......wouldn't let them near the place!
Was my Brother that got worried enough to ask outright when I said he hadn't better mend a tap when he called by once when HE wasn't home...rambly..sorry...head gets sooo messed up doesn't it...and rushing my post..
Hopefully I will be gone before house falls down completely!