Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Classic comment #53:
My H has a new job which involves a lot of responsibility and long hours.
He has been working late most nights and also doing work at home in the evenings. I have been working extra hard at home so he can relax after work cos he is tired.
The other day he tells me off because;
'You haven't come to me and asked me not to work such long hours and to come home early and spend time with you, it's obvious you don't care
about me'
There's no arguing with that one is there? What sort of warped logic is this?
My H has a new job which involves a lot of responsibility and long hours.
He has been working late most nights and also doing work at home in the evenings. I have been working extra hard at home so he can relax after work cos he is tired.
The other day he tells me off because;
'You haven't come to me and asked me not to work such long hours and to come home early and spend time with you, it's obvious you don't care
about me'
There's no arguing with that one is there? What sort of warped logic is this?
But I have to admit my wife and I get caught up in this dysfunctional dance all the time. Sometimes it's more intense or twisted than others. And we both do it to each other at different times and different ways.
I can't really help what she does. But for me I have to focus on taking care of myself, expressing my needs (to her) and making sure we're communicating. That's the only thing that seems to head off these misunderstandings. (and no, I don't do it well or perfectly most of the time--but i'm trying)
Best regards,
You are NOT responsible for his actions or his choices. He does want you to ask him, probably to beg him, to spend more time with you, so that he can tell you yet again why he doesn't want to and how awful you are and all the rest. Don't take the bait!
(Please don't think for a SECOND that I am saying your posts are boring or repetitive or that you shouldn't post - you SHOULD post whatever you want to, because it's often by posting this stuff that we can see patterns and cycles, so my comment about "every post" is in no way intended to be critical, only to reflect that there is a pattern).
livnadream is bang on with everything!
my husband tried pulling that on me near the end, when he asked me 'why didn't you just TELL me that what I was doing was wrong?'
and I told him that I DID tell him, many times, every time..
and he said 'but you didn't SIT me down and tell me.'
and I was like-sometimes we were sitting down, sometimes we were lying down, sometimes we were standing up.'
and just wouldn't let it go that I somehow didn't tell him 'properly' that I was at a breaking point.
these guys are all masters of twisting logic.
don't let him get you thinking that you are the wrong one here.
My translation: "Nothing is my responsibility, everything is your fault--come here and let me verbally abuse you now so that I can keep draining you of energy and knocking you off balance.
Sure, I'm the one who drained you dry of energy, and now I'm mad because you're empty--make sure that when you get a drop of energy back, you give it to me then too, and I'll use it to verbally abuse you and demand more."