Good for you! Hate is part of healing! You are healing!

Don't worry---- this will pass to be an emotion you can deal with.... but you are headed down/up a good path.

LT, you are only human and this man did plenty to earn your hatred. You have every right to feel the way you do. I agree that it is part of your healing and it will pass. It's safe to vent here, so vent as much as you need to!

I'm right there with you.

It's a shitty feeling, but you have every right to own it!

hugs

Yep, you are absolutely entitled to feel that way - or any way!

I'm in a place now where I am considering writing unsent grief letters and burning them. Hate is one of the words I will see addressed to several people on those pages when they are written. Like you, it is just how I feel. Hopefully, if I write it, burn it, and confront it enough, it will disappear along with the curls of smoke from my mini-bonfire...leaving behind peace.

Wishing you peace too. Hugs xx

R Bunny...... I've written and destroyed letters as you discuss and found it extremely freeing. " Hate is like acid - it eats away at it's container " Recognize it , feel it, ( it's valid ) then release it. Releasing it helps to remove the abusers power over you.

Thanks fortress! It's nice to have another acknowledgement of the healing power of that exercise :) Definitely gonna do it now! Glad it helped you xx

There have been times when my husband has been particularly hurtful- even feeling evil at times- that I could feel this emotion welling within me. But when I examined it further I realized it was the behavior and way I was being treated that I truly hated. I felt a dark cloud of yuckiness (technically speaking) come over me when I started to embrace dark feelings toward my husband. I knew that darkness would eat at my soul every bit as much as he ever did so I released that choice. When he continues to hurt me my self talk now is, "I hate that he chooses not to love me. I hate that it is so easy for him to be cold. I hate that he completely dismissed my feelings and won't even acknowledge them. I hate that I'm sitting here once again being sucked into his cruelty. I hate that it is so easy for him to manipulate others and make himself the victim."

Please be careful ltwist. Hate is a very powerful emotion that like unforgiveness can eat at our own soul and does nothing to establish consequences for the abuser.

When I considered it further in my case I realized I was feeling a degree of self-hatred that I put on him. I hated myself for allowing this, hated myself for not being more strong, just mad at life bc it didn't feel fair why I couldn't be loved. His rejection led me to self-condemn and often I would embrace this to my detriment.

You have a right to feel whatever is welling inside of you due to the treatment you have been a victim of. I only say these things bc based on my own experience I don't want you to live with the dark yucky cloud either bc I care about you.

I feel the same way right now. Been nothing but numb for so long. Now I'm feeling the anger, and yes- hatred! Mostly for finally realizing how much damage this has done to my KIDS- who are amazing, and I love with all my heart. They soooo don't deserve this. And yes, I am also angry at myself for allowing it to get to this point before realizing it, and finally DOING something about it. But I literally cannot even LOOK at him without feeling I'll right now.

GodIs- I know you are absolutely right. What you said makes a lot of sense. Hopefully, I will get there. I don't think hate is something I've ever even felt before, but really- anger and hatred are ALL I feel for him right now. I feel like such a bad person for even realizing this- but it's the truth.

In my own mind, hatred is different from extreme anger. There are people who truly hate me. I move to get them out of my life, stop talking to people they know, change my life around - and they go out of their way to cross the street, track me down, hurt me as badly as they can, publicly mock me in my agony, and then kick sand in my face before going to track down more people they can train to feel the same way. They've already won, and go out of their way to maintain contact with me, just to maximize the chance of hurting me more in the future.

Now, I've felt flashes of hatred. I've come up with some really scary things I would do if I were backed into a corner. THEN I'd show them! But I know that no matter how tempted I may be - and it is a temptation - it would be a violation of me. I may get angry enough to imagine things to make them stop, to make them regret, to force them to realize what they've done. I may even get angry enough to really, really want to do it. But I'm not a guy who would do it.

When the anger ebbs and the dark mood fades... I just want them to leave me alone. I would REALLY like it if they actually looked at things from my point of view, see the truths that I see, the things I feel. But they refuse. They are too blinded by hatred and guilt to allow themselves to. And I pity them. With little but insecurity, guilt, fear, and shame, they've allowed themselves to embrace hatred. Releasing that hatred will require forgiveness - which cannot happen so long as they are enmeshed in the lies about me.

They will either have to face the truth about me, and invite massive shame into their lives as a result, or live with a continuance of the hatred. And no one who clings to hatred can ever be happy. I feel sorry for my enemies, for they have erected such a wall of shameful deeds that, knowing them as I do, they will likely never be able to face. And I weep for them - their own pride will prevent them from finding happiness.

God will vindicate me. If nothing else, on the Judgement day, the veil will be lifted from their eyes, and they will see the truth of what they did, as well as a full understanding of what it did to me and others. And they'll never escape that understanding. It'll never dull, or get replaced, or overwritten. I wouldn't wish that knowledge on even my worst enemies. There's only one way to escape that knowledge, and that is to allow Jesus to atone for it with his death. And one of them has sworn he hates Jesus as much as he hates me. and the other is marrying him. And she's one of us, and he's one of them. It's going to take God's spirit to protect them from their own folly.

I'm sorry for getting lost in my own little world, there. I don't mean to invalidate anything you've said. But you're not alone on this path. Anger and hatred are natural. Respect them. Don't be ashamed of them. It's no shame to be tempted - Jesus himself was tempted, and he was perfect. But don't cling to them. Just let them go. It's not worth it.

I had that feeling too. I think it's because your coming to the realisation that you don't have to put up with THEIR problem. Good on you:)
I go through stages now and then when I feel angry, sad, nothing. There will be a point when you don't care anymore and your done with thinking about it all and your happy in yourself. Blooming well done!

How do you manage to live with someone you hate?! Its making me somewhat crazy

ME TOO Giggle. But Ilene's Jailor analogy has helped me immensely- even in the last few days since I read it. I remind myself of that now- and that's my new mindset.

Oh Giggle, it is so terribly hard. I was fortunate not to be married to him or have kids with him. My best advice is keep taking good care of yourself and your children as you figure out what you want to do next.

And Bax, I'm glad you had a chance to express your own experiences. You are right, in the end, you will ultimately be vindicated. I hope though that it comes much sooner for you.

I am not fearful of getting lost in my hatred, fortunately. I do agree it is part of healing. Hate is a word I rarely, if ever, use. Already the feeling is starting to subside. But in my heart I will always have this feeling towards him, though it will be tucked away so as not to interfere with my love for life and others.

Where was Ilenes jailor analogy? I dont believe I read that one

LT I think hate is part of our process. I feel that way too. Sometimes I wish mine was stronger.