Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I'm so tired of my mom. She is never letting me back on Facebook. She said my dad used the "wrong wording" when he grounded me. She said he "didn't mean to say "grounded"". I told her it wasn't up to her to decide how long I'm grounded it's my dad's because he was the one who grounded me in the first place!!!! You're not grounded from Facebook. You can't handle it and it's a lifestyle. I also realize I have a problem with my sense of touch. When I warm food up until it's hot to my touch it isn't to anyone else in my family. My family uses that against me and makes fun of me for it. Nobody trusts my sense of judgement whether something's hot. I burnt my finger warming up pizza yesterday. My sister said well it must be warm then. My Mom's said to me in the past when you warm up food warm it up till when you stick your finger in you quickly pull away it's hot. I told my boyfriend I am a freak because of my sense of touch. I've wanted to cry all night (cried once on phone w/ boyfriend) because of it. What's wrong with me and my sense of touch? :'( my family also uses me telling someone about what's been going on at home against me. I-I-I can't deal with this. I'm sitting here holding back a flood of tears. Please someone help me. I'm on the verge of self harm. [sexy beast if you're reading this then it means no I haven't attempted to cut] I'm a wreck and freak.
Please don`t hurt yourself... You have us. If you need to let some tears out, do that. It might relieve the tension. It`s healing to cry it out. But please don`t hurt yourself.
Lots of (((HUGS))) xxx
Because you are more than likely their designated 'scapegoat.' In dysfunctional families, the most dysfunctional members of the family (in your case, your parents) pick on one person to be the 'scapegoat.'
A scapegoat is someone they can find fault with and blame for everything including their own shortcomings. What happens when you siblings chime is is sometimes called 'group think' or 'mob mentality.' It's also known as going along to get along. As long as they go along w/your parents, they probably feel safe that your parents won't pick on them.
Know that all of your family's actions are probably not planned, nor are they even aware they are doing this. It's like an automatic thing they don't think about. It's part of the dysfunction.
I can't tell you why they picked you, except that maybe you're the oldest and they're probably been doing it ever since you were little.
I'm so sorry you are having to live like this, but like I said before, the only way it will stop is when you're gone and it probably won't even stop then. So, the only way you can help yourself is getting qualified professional help. And the only way they will stop is when someone forces them to.
And until that happens, even if you weren't there, they would turn their attention to one or more of your siblings. At least in part their behavior comes from their alcoholism and the behaviors that come with that. And that won't change until they get help.
The best thing to do at this point (especially if it has gotten bad enough to make you feel like self harming) is to contact social services so they can help you out of your situation.
It won't stop because until something changes your parents have no reason to stop. They both are seriously dysfunctional. In addition to probably being alcoholics, they could have other disorders. I can't diagnose, but based on what you've said, I would venture to guess that at least your mom is addicted to alcohol and both your parents have alcoholic behaviors. (People can have the behaviors even if they don't drink.) Normal, functional people would not give little kids alcohol bottles. That's just not normal or right. It's a HUGE red flag pointing toward alcoholism and other mental disorders.
Did you cause it? NO NO NO NO NO - THEY are responsible for their choices and their behavior. If you left home today they would continue to behave the same way. They would just pick one of your siblings & continue to treat them the same way they are treating you.
SW is right on point.
violet you do NOT deserve to be abused!!!!!!!!
And your mother getting pregnant out of wedlock is NOT YOUR FAULT. It's HER FAULT. She made the choice to have sex out of wedlock. You had nothing to do with that.
Sweetie, they are brainwashing you into thinking what happened BEFORE you were conceived was your fault! How could that possibly be?
If and when you decide to leave and see a qualified therapist, you will find out that what they are telling you are nothing but LIES. They are blaming you for things they decided and things they did. They are really sick people and you did NOT make them that way!!!
Her disorder is in NO WAY - I repeat IS NOT - your fault. That is within her. Neither is her drinking. It's possible she drinks to numb her pain, IDK. However this disorder does in no way excuse her behavior toward you or your siblings. It doesn't matter if your dad doesn't have a disorder or even if he never drinks. He is still responsible for his toxic beahavior. If anything if he doesn't have a disorder and doesn't drink, HE should be getting ALL of you help, including your mom. Instead it appears he is sucked in to all the toxicity and dysfunction & is doing what he does to deflect you mom's toxicity from him.
As I have said before, chances are they are totally unaware they are doing this, but it still doesn't excuse what they are doing to you and your siblings. That is why its so important for them to get help. You and your siblings are growing up not only thinking this is normal, but also you will more than likely (w/o realizing it) end up in relationships to match what you are used to because that's what we humans do when 1. that's all we know and 2. when we know something isn't right but we don't get help.
As for being bullied in school... First I am so sorry that is happening. Second and most importantly, your parents should be down at that school in the principal and superintendent's faces until they stop the bullies!!!!!!! Sadly when parents are sick, addicted, toxic and/or dysfunctional, they aren't capable of taking care of their children properly.
"Guess that's what happens when you're a wallflower." No, violet this isn't what happens when you're a wallflower. Sadly, you/we become wallflower(s) when we grow up in scary, inconsistent, dysfunctional, & toxic environments.
~big hugs~
This is from the National Institute of Mental Health's site:
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/borderline-personality-disorder/index.shtml
where there is much more information.
I have OCD and have struggled with it all of my life. I have to repeatedly touch objects often. My mom too used to make fun of me and call me names such as 'fruit cake' and said things like 'I need to go into a looney bin.' I have learned to cope throughout the years, and her words do not hurt me because I know to whom I belong.
She is not that way anymore though, praise God.
Remember Violet that this is just a stepping stone in your life right now, and you WILL walk over it :)
I agree with the theory that your family is highly dysfunctional and you are being scapegoated by them.
The only one to take a stand and stop this is you.
You are the only one that can fight for you.
& none of that self harming stuff. You do NOT want to be looking at nasty scars reminding you of nasty times. Besides, they could scare off some really nice folks...be it for friends, fellas, employers, etc.
{{hugz}}