I agree that you should talk to someone. I just want to be sure that a youth minister is the way to go over an anonymous local center for abuse. I fear that if he's not experienced with abuse, may he try and "talk" to and "rationalize" with your parents - in which case could be dangerous.

v.w. ----

N.M. has made very good points.

It's possible your youth minister
would be a great person to talk
with. But there's no way to know
that until after you do it.

The youth minister, (as 'not' said),
may not be experienced or educated
specifically about how to deal with
the target of abuse and the abuser
her/himslef. He (she?) may indeed
try to talk to your parents and (I agree
that) the results of this could range
from anywhere from useless to
worse than anything you've
experienced to this point. If
the youth minister attempted
to "talk" to you your parents
to set them on a better path,
there would be no good result.

If the youth minister took another
route, there MIGHT be a good
result. But ----- it's a crap shoot.

Opening up with someone who
is educated and experienced
with dealing with victims of abuse
would be a MUCH BETTER option.

yup, you guys nailed it. a youth minister is not held to confidentiality laws, you should find someone who is. ask your school counselor for a referral, or find a women's shelter or mental health clinic and start your search there. a therapist is working for YOU, not your parents, and wouldn't involve them unless you wanted them to. in fact, any therapist who pushed you to involve your parents in any way would be a good reason to find a different therapist, it doesn't sound like family counseling would do anything but make your life more difficult.

also, i know you feel responsible for your siblings, but you will be no good to them if you are crushed into nothingness by the time they are old enough to ask for your help. if you put your energy into getting out of the house and on your own feet you will be a port in the storm for them, and somewhere they can go when things inevitably get bad. you will be able to care for them only after you care for yourself, so do it.

I agree with notmyself1 . You would probably be better, and safer by going to see professional people at a domestic violence shelter... This is a serious situation, and you have to have to get help from professionals that specialize in abuse, and family law. These people can help you, and can advise you on what to do..they will listen to you, and you can talk to them. ...Please be careful, and safe. You are not alone.

Also, listen to Ilene....and what she has to say :

I understand this. But I really trust him and I already promised a counselor I'd call him. I'm so scared and confused.

What counselor did you talk to V, and what have you shared with them?

Regardless of what you promised a counselor, you need to do whats best for YOU - never mind that you promised him. He most likely just wants you to get help - which is wonderful. BUT, we want to make sure you get the "right" help.

A friend/counselor from church. She said I need to tell my youth minister. I'm scared to. Mom. What do I do????!!!!!!!

Youth minister is not the only person who can help you. If you are scared, I would say to pause. You don't need to decide right now.

If you live in the US I highly recommend calling the number at thehotline.org. It's free and anonymous and they can recommend local resources.

Did you mention anything to her about your home situation? We're just saying that the youth counselor doesn't have to keep this confidential. And he may not make the best choice if he is not familiar with the dynamics of abuse.

Your friend most likely urged you to reach out to the YM only because she wanted you to reach for SOME help - ANY help. But as you've been learning here on DS, there are certain kinds of "help" that may do more harm than good.

It's better for you to reach out to someone who is experienced with abuse and the dynamics of it. They will have YOUR best interests at heart and will be better able to advise you for your situation.

I'm very glad that you're
beginning to be ready
to talk with someone.

And it's good that you
have support within
your faith community.

It's very, VERY important
that when you reach out,
particularly for the first time,
it makes a connection with
someone who is truly a
SPECIALIST in this area,
and not simply someone
who may be wonderfully
compassionate, but who,
without knowing how
abuse and abusers
operate, gets you and
your siblings into a
WORSE situation
than you're already
in. Frankly, just about
any counselor at school
would have a better
foundation in getting
you what you need,
than someone at
church who is
inarguably
compassionate
but not grounded
in the skills to
deal with this
situation.

I don't feel comfortable talking to a school counselor. And the counselor from church is calling him tonight. So I'm gonna have to talk to him about it anyways.

Well . . . . .

there you go.

What do you mean IIene?

What I meant was that
sometimes, things just
end up going in the
most appropriate
direction. . . whether
we began in that
direction or not.