Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
After a 30 minute drive to Kohls my wife and I sat in the parking lot waiting to go in and buy the shoes she wanted for her birthday. I checked my phone and was horrified by a picture of my mother. She was black and blue, eyes and jaw swollen.
The medical report said she had a facial fracture and broken ribs. What the fuck? My mom doesnt deserve this, I make the mistake of showing my wife the picture and she decides to pass on the shoes instead, we send my mom a cash advance.
My mom is still with this man. It has been four months since the first beating took place and it has happened again. At first shes always on board with leaving him but always gets drawn to his good qualities and justifies that itll never happen again and thus the cycle repeats.
I think a deal-breaker guide on relationships is in order. Just know if it isnt you in the situation, give the person as much love and support as you can because thats what they need. If it is you, then listen to the people that you know love you, the people that have been at your side the longest they are the ones looking out for you.
3 Relationship Deal-Breakers
Physical Abuse
If it happened once, it WILL happen again, and again. Your partner will know that you let it slide once before and now they will always know that they can do it again with little consequence. Perhaps they are a good person and you know that, it doesnt matter. Sadly enough they were dealt a bad life and it has made them a person with enough hate in their heart to hurt you. You do not want to share a life with someone who contains something so ugly inside of them.
Adultery
This person lacks self-control and good judgment. Do you want them raising your kids or influencing you? I dont care if drugs were involved or not, youll never forget it, theyll never forget it. The relationship is damaged beyond repair, dont let it bleed out, kill it fast, kill it clean.
Emotional Abuse
If your significant other makes you feel like shit about yourself, get out! You need to spend your life with someone who brings out the best qualities in you. Someone who makes you feel like youre on top of the world. Im sure they love you and you love them, but Im sorry life isnt meant to be lived that way.
I know its all common sense, but I also know people who are living it and they just cant seem to pull away. I hope this just confirms what you already know, if youre considering it that means you need to do it. Find support if you need it, move to another state, just do whatever it takes to get out of the situation.
I hate to see people living this way, especially women in domestic relationships. They put their life is jeopardy every day that they stay with a person like that.
If youve ever done one of the things on this list, man-up, let them go, and start working on yourself spiritually. It doesnt mean youre a bad person, but first you need to fight off whatever demons youve picked up along the journey of your life.
Brock
The medical report said she had a facial fracture and broken ribs. What the fuck? My mom doesnt deserve this, I make the mistake of showing my wife the picture and she decides to pass on the shoes instead, we send my mom a cash advance.
My mom is still with this man. It has been four months since the first beating took place and it has happened again. At first shes always on board with leaving him but always gets drawn to his good qualities and justifies that itll never happen again and thus the cycle repeats.
I think a deal-breaker guide on relationships is in order. Just know if it isnt you in the situation, give the person as much love and support as you can because thats what they need. If it is you, then listen to the people that you know love you, the people that have been at your side the longest they are the ones looking out for you.
3 Relationship Deal-Breakers
Physical Abuse
If it happened once, it WILL happen again, and again. Your partner will know that you let it slide once before and now they will always know that they can do it again with little consequence. Perhaps they are a good person and you know that, it doesnt matter. Sadly enough they were dealt a bad life and it has made them a person with enough hate in their heart to hurt you. You do not want to share a life with someone who contains something so ugly inside of them.
Adultery
This person lacks self-control and good judgment. Do you want them raising your kids or influencing you? I dont care if drugs were involved or not, youll never forget it, theyll never forget it. The relationship is damaged beyond repair, dont let it bleed out, kill it fast, kill it clean.
Emotional Abuse
If your significant other makes you feel like shit about yourself, get out! You need to spend your life with someone who brings out the best qualities in you. Someone who makes you feel like youre on top of the world. Im sure they love you and you love them, but Im sorry life isnt meant to be lived that way.
I know its all common sense, but I also know people who are living it and they just cant seem to pull away. I hope this just confirms what you already know, if youre considering it that means you need to do it. Find support if you need it, move to another state, just do whatever it takes to get out of the situation.
I hate to see people living this way, especially women in domestic relationships. They put their life is jeopardy every day that they stay with a person like that.
If youve ever done one of the things on this list, man-up, let them go, and start working on yourself spiritually. It doesnt mean youre a bad person, but first you need to fight off whatever demons youve picked up along the journey of your life.
Brock
We are taught to be careful of strangers, but when the person it at home or when it is somebody we think we know well , it's very confusing.
Also, abusers isolate their victims and manage them by intimidation.
They became the victim's connection to the world because they often say nobody care, but them. So the victim loses if they leave.
There are a lot of great moments, a lot of gestures that suck you in. When it's good, it's really good. They will often say that it is all the victim's fault and she or he did something to disrupt the good times.
People ask often, why didn't you just leave? And they are unaware of the sick mind game the abuser is playing with the victim.
That's why people talk about safe plans to exist these kind of relationship and caution measures.
this is another helpful forum on DS for those who have been abused. also, folks there may have advice for family members of loved ones who are being abused.
From what you shared, I am very concerned for your mom's safety, as I'm sure you are too. It sounds like a truly dangerous situation where her life is possibly at stake. I'm also sad for you, as this must be incredibly difficult for you to take. When one person is abused in a family, the whole family is abused. I hope things get better as soon as possible. Very best wishes to you and yours.
I know it's hard to get a victim to take action because it requires self-confidence to do so and the abuser has beat that out of them. I just hope places like this keep doing their part to build the self-esteem in these folks and let them know their situation is not okay.
Scarclan,
I wrote a post about my Mom getting beat again last Thursday: http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Depression/forum/20279863-my-mom-got-beat-again
The good news is that the abuser may be getting locked away or deported. She is making plans to leave the state. I really good turn for the best!
I'm going to give you my honest opinions here. I hope this is helpful. It sounds like there is a lot of hope for your mother given that she has chosen to leave.
I read your other post about your mom. I wholeheartedly disagree with those who say that her major problem is alcoholism. I would say her major problem is she is in real danger of being murdered by a psychotic boyfriend.
Her attachment to him and inability to go "no contact" is the norm in such situations as so many of us on this forum have experienced and will attest to. It cannot be expected that she will do otherwise without major help.
I also would not give any credence to other family members who have abandoned her. They are wrong to do so and taking the easy way out. It's so much easier to just walk away and pretend as if they can do nothing. I'm sorry, no. We are not ostriches, we are humans.
I can understand you are afraid. Imagine how your mother feels. What about the person she is moving in with? It's a very serious situation and yes, it is dangerous. That is why you need to involve professionals whose job it is to handle such situations.
I would recommend treating your mother's condition much like someone who has been trapped into a religious cult. She is not going to be able to help herself. To expect her to do so is unrealistic. I would say use whatever resources you can muster, call on the advice of trained professionals, and consult with an attorney with a strong background in domestic abuse.
Very Best Wishes to You.
I loved what you said by the other family members being Ostriches. I actually am very annoyed with their lack of help. They are her sisters and have better financial resources than I.
They went and tried to do an intervention for her and when it didn't work they bailed in no time. My mom put up a little resistance and they threw up their hands and said, "welp we did our best."
I understand your thoughts on getting an attorney, but who can afford that? All of my immediate family live paycheck to paycheck and I'm the only one with any extra cash but it'll get sucked up in no time if I start helping all of them.
I believe alcoholism is her true problem but it's not the immediate problem. Luckily, things have calmed down and she decided to post-pone the move for a week... For reasons I can't talk her out of.
The police drive by the place she is staying at once per hour and the bf hasn't been by yet. He had a court date Tuesday, I'm not sure of the outcome.
I appreciate your deep concern for my situation, I truley do believe things are moving in a positive direction.