You don't cope. You leave. Sorry to say it, but there is absolutely no way you can make him better. He won't change. It's not a behavioral problem that can be solved with therapy or medication. It's a personality disorder. I suggest you google "Narcissist Personality Disorder" and see if that is what you are dealing with.

And once again, as much as I would like to give you ways of coping, about the only suggestion I can give is to leave before it gets worse.

I think for your sanity you need to help yourself, and your child.
I would like you to read your post again slowly and ask yourself if you or anybody else should be married to a man who makes you feel this way. The sooner you leave the easier and better it will be for you.
I really don't think too many people would cope with this for very darn long. No matter what you do you will not make him happy and the anger will escalate as it always does. Please leave.

How do you cope? You get the hell out!

In the meantime, you try to do everything in your power not to make them angry-impossible, we all know...

you to find little things that make you happy, try to spend the least amount of time around that you can..try to make your life the best that you can, so that when you can finally leave, you've got your ducks in a row-this means, furthering your education.. making sure that you have your own bank account-secret!!! sock away as much money as you can..

haha.. I used 'as you can' so many times in that paragraph.. too lazy to go and delete them...

keep yourself healthy, vent to friends, and make your secret plans.

abusers don't change, I'm sorry to say. read as much as you can here, and you'll start to 'get it'...

I tried everything i could and then ran away with my kids.

I'm sorry to say, the others are right. You don't cope, you leave.

Nobody, but nobody can be expected to cope with what you have set out in that one paragraph.

As for your last sentence - his actions prove nothing whatever about you. They do, however, speak volumes for him. Being disrespected does not prove you unworthy of respect. Being unloved and unappreciated doesn't prove you unlovable or useless.

You deserve so much better, but unfortunately it's highly unlikely he's capable of being any different.

My dad was like that. He would just yell and beat the shit out of me. I couldn't really cope with it so I don't know what to say. Sorry you're going through that.

What they said. Please make a plan to leave. Phone the womens shelter and find out if they can help you, gather everything that is important, photos, personal papers, important documents, keys, money, clothes, so that you can leave in an emergency if required. Please, get out as soon as you are able. In the meantime, try not to do anything that might make him angry, difficult I know, and keep yourself and your child safe. Take excellent care of yourself

Do yourself a favor and get out. I wish I would have left so much sooner. had I had this kind of support I would have, or if I would have known what I know now. I kept thinking it was me, or I could change him, or he will grow out of it.....all false hopes.
Nothing changes, in fact, it gets much worse!!!

After I spent six months
laying out a plan to kill myself,

I realized

that though it was a permanent solution,

I wouldn't be around to enjoy the escape.

So. . . . . then. . . . .

I escaped for real.


Call this number:

(800) 289-9018

It's your state's coalition against d.v.

DON'T DELAY.

Afterward, you'll wonder why you
didn't call so much sooner.

Please take good care.

See, I can't just leave because I have no other means of support. I work part time so I don't make enough to support myself & my son, and I also go to school more than full-time trying to get my education done ASAP so I CAN get a good job and be able to support myself. My dad isn't an option as he is a drug addict, and neither is my mother as she is a pill addict. I just have myself. Like most of you said, I just try to be around him as least as possible, I don't even bother arguing with him so I can't make him angry, I just avoid him at all costs. I do have a separate banking account, but most of my funds go to our bills. I do try to save enough that if an emergency arises, I can at least be able to get out of the situation ASAP. Thanks for the advice. Maybe if I keep getting my head out of this delusional cloud of thinking that I can "fix him", the better I'll be able to help myself.

I understand what you are saying, it's hard to support yourself but you can find a way. I know your parents aren't going to be able to help you and that's okay, they sound like they have a lot of problems you don't' need to be around anyway. Keep trying to find jobs, maybe work 2 jobs, find a cheap but safe apartment? You can do it on your own if you really want to. Or maybe there is subsidized housing? Gather information while you can but make a plan and get out asap for your own health and well being.

The only way he can and will change is to change his I want.He wants to do what he is doing, he wants to control you, he wants you to worship him and the ground he walks on and when he doesn't get what he wants, than he wants to hurt you.

Hi I am a single mom of 4 children, and I have been abused in the past and its really hard to survive and take care of your self and your children at the same time. I see you are going to school/college. Talk to your student counselor and see if you can get on campus housing for you and your child. I have seen many students do that.
These are just suggestions to help you.
Also get in contact with a shelter, or victims of crime advocate, and see if you can get some assistance with them.
Start searching for HUD housing, or low income housing. These housing units go by your income.
I relate to you, I have a family full of alcoholics and drug addicts, and I can't depend on anyone, my SO is a mj smoker, and he is living with his mom right now. It's me and my children, and I had to go and make sure that my children were taking care of. I just want to encourage you, it seems like you are not able to do it, but you are a strong woman, and you will be able to pull out of this, and you are smart, and there are people out there to help you, but you will have to do most of the leg work, they will give you the resources, and the places to go, and once you do it on your own, it will give you a sense of power and self confidence.
Prayers and ((hugs))

I have some abusive family members that are bipolar and went years without being medicated. Take my word for it, when they are manic and raging the ONLY thing you can do to save your sanity, is to remove yourself from their line of fire, in other words, leave. Since they are family I didn't end the relationship completely but I did learn to walk away from them the minute they started with their tantrums and abuse. it took a really long time, years actually for me to feel confident enough to walk away. There is NO COPING when they are unmedicated and even once they became medicated they still have times when they still abusive, minus the raging, times when I still have to walk away, or give them the look of acknowledgement, that I know what they are attempting to do, by insulting or demeaning me, and then I walk away. So imo medication helps to maintain their anger, but it doesn't do one thing to change their abusive attitude, that they are superior and entitled to be abusive to me.
I tend to believe that mental illness is like addiction in that it doesn't cause abusive behavior and imo medication doesn't stop abusive behavior, because abusive behavior is an attitude problem or a personality problem and medication doesn't change those.

I had two kids and was a stay at home mom who HOMESCHOOLED!!

I still left.

went into a shelter last october.

was on welfare for 6 months.

moved into a tiny basement suite.

and now, I'm doing housecleaning for a living, and I love it!

I get no support from my ex, or my family. I'm doing it all on my own.

and the funny thing is, even though I 'had more money' when I was with my ex, I was way more poor.. could never buy anything..

now that it's my money, and it's not going to pot and booze for him, and he ate like a pig... life is cheaper for me and the kids.. now I have the money to buy something nice for myself, and if I don't have the money, but I still buy it, no one is there to yell at me..

I am rich beyond belief since I left my abuser.