Focus upon your own, personal and immediate needs from moment to moment and realize that you are just fine...as you are, where you are, and how you are.

Our traumatic past is what carries us down a mental hallway of false insufficiency and incapacity. It's those messages we really need to put out and keep our focus upon the world around us...which, truly, doesn't hold any grudge against us at all.

The only way to change an abusive relationship is to leave it. You can not change the abuser. Nothing you say or do or not say or do will change his behavior towards you, NO MATTER WHAT HE SAYS.
Making a conscious decision that I deserved and wanted a better life, that I deserved to be treated with respect, the realization that i could not change or control him or the way he treated me, and a level of misery that could only be stopped by stopping the abuse is what led me to make the best and only decision I could, to leave and end the relationship.

My situation is within my family. I am currently away from the ex boyfriend and remaining no contact. Sad fact of it is at least with him there were no ties that bind and distance to seperate. I have to deal with at least one toxic family member daily.

If you feel that you would not be in any physical danger then practicing assertiveness would help. I t has helped me a lot in dealing with not just toxic but abusive family members or my own. there are times when I have had to bite my tongue to not be reactively abusive back to them and at those times i have to remember that being assertive is not the same as reacting abusively to abuse. And imo neither is being verbally aggressive. It doesn't have to involve reactive abuse to be effective.
And yes i got so fed up with the insults and insinuations that i reached the point where i made the decision to stand up to my abusive family members when they abuse me and I have never regretted doing so.

That was supposed to read...absive family members OF my own...

Basically my boundaries are most likely the root of a lot of my abuse by not only men but my own family. I have found my worth to them can be measured in how much money I give them or how much control. Or both. :(

Instead of focusing on your worth to them, which is largely outside your control anyway (the fact they treat you a little better if you give them money or control does NOT mean they view your worth as a person more highly), focus on your self-worth. That's how you learn to erect and maintain boundaries, by focusing more on what you think of (or want to think of) yourself than on what you imagine others think of you.