Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Hey everyone. I haven't been on here since I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years 2 months ago. While that may sound like a bad thing, it was actually because I was doing really well with the break up. Unfortunately, I have had a set back, so I am hoping you all can give me some more strength.
Just as a refresher: I am a 24 year old mental health therapist who realized she was in an emotionally abusive relationship. Since this man was my first real adult relationship, and because of the hold abuse has on the victim, it was very very hard to leave. When I did, I felt free. The last 2 months went by relatively nicely. He frequently begged for me to come back but I stood my ground. He really amped up the efforts the past two weeks, calling all the time and driving past my home. I still felt confident with my decision, until I found out he was doing this while being in a relationship the past month. Besides the obvious sadness over seeing someone I once loved so passionately with someone else, I feel angry that he has been testing me so hard emotionally while already being with someone else. When I confronted him about it, he said he didn't lie about not having a girlfriend, he just simply "didn't tell" me. He then said that he was not chasing me for the past 2 months in a romantic way, he simply wants to be friends. This is despite him asking questions like "do you still love me?" and "would you ever date me again?" I just feel so defeated and I am losing my mind. Thoughts?
Just as a refresher: I am a 24 year old mental health therapist who realized she was in an emotionally abusive relationship. Since this man was my first real adult relationship, and because of the hold abuse has on the victim, it was very very hard to leave. When I did, I felt free. The last 2 months went by relatively nicely. He frequently begged for me to come back but I stood my ground. He really amped up the efforts the past two weeks, calling all the time and driving past my home. I still felt confident with my decision, until I found out he was doing this while being in a relationship the past month. Besides the obvious sadness over seeing someone I once loved so passionately with someone else, I feel angry that he has been testing me so hard emotionally while already being with someone else. When I confronted him about it, he said he didn't lie about not having a girlfriend, he just simply "didn't tell" me. He then said that he was not chasing me for the past 2 months in a romantic way, he simply wants to be friends. This is despite him asking questions like "do you still love me?" and "would you ever date me again?" I just feel so defeated and I am losing my mind. Thoughts?
It sucks and it hurts - but it's not about you, it's about him and his dysfunction.
I'm 21, and I had no idea my boyfriend was an abuser until I left. From June to November my life was pure hell, until I said enough was enough, I stood my ground and told him he was done controlling my life.
I know how hard it is. You've spent years with someone underminding you. When you end it, the first few months are ok, and then the storm hits. But I promise you it gets SO much better. The speed depends on you. You're strong enough, smart enough, and you know what's right for you. I thought it would be April til I got my ex to leave me be and move out, but I found that once I really put my mind to it, and had the self respect for myself to say "I deserve better and to be treated the way I treat others" things moved at an incredible rate.
Hang in there! I had my ex's number, google account number, facebook, and fake fb profile blocked. It helped me tremendously. Talk to a friend/family member. It's important to have someone right now who can feed you with confidence and encouragement. Chances are you've been told you're wrong about so much by your ex, that you doubt yourself.
I believe in you. You can do it!
I agree with Livn that no contact is the only way to heal and move on from these unhealthy relationships.
Set a boundary. Maintain your power over your mind. Tell him flat out that the possibility of friendship does not exist. Tell him that there is no valid reason for him to contact you (unless of course you have kids together, which I hope not) and that it would be in his best interests to "lose" your number and to "forget" where you live. At that point, you don't have to give any further explanations. If he asks you what that's supposed to mean, simply tell him that he's a big boy and you're sure he can figure it out.
Set a boundary. Maintain your power over your mind. Tell him flat out that the possibility of friendship does not exist. Tell him that there is no valid reason for him to contact you (unless of course you have kids together, which I hope not) and that it would be in his best interests to "lose" your number and to "forget" where you live. At that point, you don't have to give any further explanations. If he asks you what that's supposed to mean, simply tell him that he's a big boy and you're sure he can figure it out.
Set a boundary. Maintain your power over your mind. Tell him flat out that the possibility of friendship does not exist. Tell him that there is no valid reason for him to contact you (unless of course you have kids together, which I hope not) and that it would be in his best interests to "lose" your number and to "forget" where you live. At that point, you don't have to give any further explanations. If he asks you what that's supposed to mean, simply tell him that he's a big boy and you're sure he can figure it out.
Set a boundary. Maintain your power over your mind. Tell him flat out that the possibility of friendship does not exist. Tell him that there is no valid reason for him to contact you (unless of course you have kids together, which I hope not) and that it would be in his best interests to "lose" your number and to "forget" where you live. At that point, you don't have to give any further explanations. If he asks you what that's supposed to mean, simply tell him that he's a big boy and you're sure he can figure it out.
Set a boundary. Maintain your power over your mind. Tell him flat out that the possibility of friendship does not exist. Tell him that there is no valid reason for him to contact you (unless of course you have kids together, which I hope not) and that it would be in his best interests to "lose" your number and to "forget" where you live. At that point, you don't have to give any further explanations. If he asks you what that's supposed to mean, simply tell him that he's a big boy and you're sure he can figure it out.