Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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Confused

possumlady
possumlady
I wrote a journal entry just now about a holiday I had with my H and how hurt I was by his words and his behaviour . It was devastating and I did have a cry about it but I am getting caught up on the fact that I know that he was angry over something I had done to him and so in a way I feel that I 'deserved' the response that i got from him ( he ranted at me and humiliated me)

Wonderingly there is something in me that just feels responsible for his anger and bad responses...

It is making it hard to just feel and cry and grieve over the hurt because I keep coming up against ' well I understand why he did it, I drove him crazy'....

Anyone feel like this?
Tamehau
Tamehau
HE DROVE HIMSELF CRAZY. THEY ARE CRAZYMAKERS! STOP BLAMING YOURSELF FOR OTHERS BEHAVIOR. WE EACH OWN OUR OWN BEHAVIOR. You are held accountable for yours, let him be accountable for his. You are not his maker, he is not yours. I CALL THAT BAGGAGE. And you know what to do with trash, you take it to the curb. Stop blaming yourself for his flaws. You can't make him something he already is......hee hee.....
possumlady
possumlady
Oh yeah, thanks. If someone behaved this way towards my daughter, totally intimidating and humiliating her, for whatever reason, I would want to slap him in the face... How come I can feel indignation for her but not for myself?!?
Tamehau
Tamehau
Because you are on the inside. You cannot see the outside because you are being told whats out there and not allowed to see for yourself. Take your life back girl!
artemis000
artemis000
We are not responsible for someone else's behaviour, but we are responsible for how we react to it. It's all about choices, and if your husband chooses to be angry and ugly everytime he feels aggrieved, that's his choice. However, it's important that you don't choose to feel responsible for his behaviour, because you're not. You need to break the cycle of accepting the blame for his bad behaviour!

Take care
deleted_user
deleted_user
Yeah, I had to tell myself that when I realized I could not control my ex boyfriend's behavior. I know I wasn't married to him and marriage is definitely a different situation, especially if their are kids involved. But sometimes we have to realize that we really aren't happy and neither are they and sometimes we just need to take care of ourselves first so we don't hurt others AND ourselves.

I hope that you guys could maybe talk about it and work out some other way to respond to conflict. If not then do not think that his anger is your fault. Everyone gets angry but no one should use hurtful language towards someone they claim to love. I know it's hard. You're not the only one who feels this way.