Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Me again... Just need a little advice about what to do next
My husband has told me that if we are to move on in our relationship, I need to reconcile with him, ie talk to him about everything I have done to him so we can work it thru. As I have said before, whenever I try to talk to him about anything 'sensitive' it ends up with a fight and him yelling or lecturing me for hours. I REALLY don't want to go there. Yes. I agree, it would be good to reconcile and talk things thru but not under the usual circumstances, it feels too unsafe and too easily gets out of control
So, I see my options are:
1. Say nothing..... I'd give it about a week before he blows up at me for not talking to him
2. Try talking to him about what I have done,... Guaranteed to be told I am doing it wrong, not what he wants, this is crap etc
3. Insist that we only talk about major issues with a counsellor so it is a safe place and can't get out of hand.... He hates counsellors and probably won't go
4. Have a nervous breakdown from the stress
Any other ideas?
My husband has told me that if we are to move on in our relationship, I need to reconcile with him, ie talk to him about everything I have done to him so we can work it thru. As I have said before, whenever I try to talk to him about anything 'sensitive' it ends up with a fight and him yelling or lecturing me for hours. I REALLY don't want to go there. Yes. I agree, it would be good to reconcile and talk things thru but not under the usual circumstances, it feels too unsafe and too easily gets out of control
So, I see my options are:
1. Say nothing..... I'd give it about a week before he blows up at me for not talking to him
2. Try talking to him about what I have done,... Guaranteed to be told I am doing it wrong, not what he wants, this is crap etc
3. Insist that we only talk about major issues with a counsellor so it is a safe place and can't get out of hand.... He hates counsellors and probably won't go
4. Have a nervous breakdown from the stress
Any other ideas?
my husband is exactly the same!
he wants me to talk, to tell him about everything and how I feel about it.
then it turns into a 6 hour fight in the middle of the night.
then he says 'why do you only remember the bad things about me?'
and I say 'BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT WE ARE HERE TALKING ABOUT!!!!!
There is no getting through to them. no reasoning with them, no working things out.
they are unreasonable because they are abusers!!!!!!!
Insist that you get to air your feelings about everything. Know that he's not going to listen, or blow up, or sidetrack it to turn around to your faults, in his eyes. He will never admit that he has a problem.
Stay strong. I don't know what to tell you. Are you going to counseling for yourself, no matter what?
Leave the abuser.
That's IT in a nutshell!!!!!!
I read other people's posts and think ' why doesn't she leave?'
I imagine we all do...
But when it comes down to making that decision, it is so hard...
Perhaps I am a slow learner, but..
Still looking for other options, perhaps there is something I can do or be that will make a difference....
Still thinking and hoping that I can change things, but..
Getting tired of trying to change ME
Guess it is part of the journey..
It is 4.30 in the morning here
This is how much rest I am getting over all this ...
So, as a rule, it WILL get worse. That's the only way it will change.
He doesn't hit you now? Give him a little time. Yeah, he may never. Or he might. Not all emotional abusers end up as physical abusers. But ALL physical abusers start out as emotional abusers.
It might be you, or maybe one of your kids. It might start as a shove, or a spanking or a slap....
If you talk to them, about what bothers you, they will turn it around, and project their faults onto you. They will never accept responsibility. I was also struck by how he wants to talk about what you have done to HIM. OMG. Not even what you have done to each other....The purpose is so he can get some ammunition to attack you with later, to store in his arsenal of hurtful comments.
It's not about wanting to fix your marriage, or understand you, or any of the bs he is throwing your way. It's about POWER AND CONTROL. Of you. and your kids. That's all it's about. Making sure your mind, and your kids minds are wrapped completely around keeping him happy, doing what he wants. Everyone dancing in a circle around him. No one allowed to have a feeling, or a thought, that isn't directed by him. It's a stealing of your soul.
Ilene is so right. The only other idea, and the ONLY idea that will change your life, and the lives of your children, is to leave. Leaving is like finally opening the shades onto a sunny day, like seeing your first flower, like breathing fresh clean mountain air, like lying on the beach and letting the waves wash over you.
Staying...well, you know what that's like. Like being up at 4:30 in the morning when you have to go to work all day, because you are thinking about him. and him just loving that you are that concerned with his happiness....loving that you are that wrapped around his big fat ego.....
Keep reading, keep posting...One of these days you will have had enough....