Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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why

sunsets1386
sunsets1386
Why would he tell me how much he loves me.and sees him@elf marryinge but choose everyone over me. I am very sensitive but had hope things were improving.. Never will I seclude myself from friends and family who truly love and care about me. I question everyone in my life who is nice to me, what is their motive, what are they really thinking, etc. I had to work from 7am til 4 today, then babysit tonight and the parents rushed home at 11:30 so I could spend midnight with my boyfriend.. my boyfriend is at some house party and I haven't heard back from him since 10... the fact they rushed home combined with his careless attitude combined with me being alone for every holiday this year has really got me down. I spent midnight crying into my steering wheel about how I know it will never be right between us or make eachother happy, yet I can't let go. I would've done anything to make it work. He's out getting drunk flirting with girls probably, even though he swears he doesn't talk to girls. I sound so naive, sorry ffor the negativity, I have to be at work tomorrow morning, well today and i just want to shut my phone off and sleep for days.
Serce
Serce
I know it hurts. Remember that old saying that actions speak louder than words? When someone shows us who they are we need to believe them. Easier said than done I know. My wish for you is that you would let him go. When you are ready you will. He may have started out acting like a nice guy...when you share how careless he is despite what he says it shows a pattern. He is not worthy of you. His actions do not live up to his words.

We can't fix or change people. You are a precious caring person. When someone treats us badly, we need to let that tell us that they are not for us The longer we stay in an unhealthy relationship, the longer it wears on our self-esteem. It hurts --- when someone loves you they don't do it by being careless with your heart. They do everything they can to step up and be there for you. There are wonderful people you have yet to meet, someone that will be worth your time, your effort and love.

.......gentle hugs.
hockeymom5592
hockeymom5592
What she said!

Why? Because tha'ts what they do. No one matters but them. If you are crying because he has left you alone on New Year's Eve, he feels power and control, he's happy. Your mind is wrapped around his, and he's safe...in his own mind.

Even if you are willing to do the work, he's not. He's quite content with the way things are.

My suggestion is...to begin to think thoughts that he's not aware of, to make plans that don't include him.

Just start there, empowering yourself in your own mind. In your own soul.

Life doesn't have to be this way.

Big hugs to you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Doesn't sound naive at all, but it does sound like you're trying to believe a liar and hoping that he's not a liar. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but I see a hardworking, beautiful, young woman here, who deserves WAY better treatment.

I hope you can see that, and get away from him while you can. It doesn't stop, the lying that is, it only gets worse. I know how cliche that sounds, but it's true.
dietcokelover
dietcokelover
Hey I commented on you other post but I totally understand where you're at. I know with my boyfriend he broke me down mentally and emotinally to where I questioned everything and everyone. He would make plans with me and stand me up all the time and because of that whenever I had plans with someone else and they were a little late I'd start panicking thinking they were standing me up too instead of realizing hey maybe they had to stop to get gas, or maybe there's a lot of traffic, etc.
sunsets1386
sunsets1386
I just want to be free again, but my heart and pride feel like they are stuck in quick sand. It's almost like we both feel too strongly about how we should be, that we can't just be who we are. It sounds so obviously horrible but he is like my best friend... and has been there by my side through hard times. I know my friends and yall are all correct in that I should run. Fast... but my pride can't let this go. Tragic really, and kinda pathetic. He didn't even call or text til 5am and I ignored his call. He says he loves me mpre than anyone but it feels like he puts everyone before me
Livndadrem
Livndadrem
Pride kept me there for too long as well.

A bad choice isn't made into a good one by sticking with it.
IleneW
IleneW
Best friends don't
do things that
leave you
crying into
your steering wheel.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Would you treat someone you loved that way? If thats love, Id rather be alone.
deleted_user
deleted_user
sunsets, you've gotten some really sound advice here. What you're describing sounds very hurtful and sad. He is not showing you that he can be a caring and considerate and loving person. He is showing you that he cares more about himself than you and that he is able to go out and party while you are left in tears. You deserve better than this. You are wanting to give your love and work to make a relationship happy and successful. He has not reciprocated. I don't believe he ever will. People don't change like that. He will only continue to drag you down. And look what you've written about how this is making you doubt yourself and not trust people. This relationship is harming you. In order to be happy and healthy, you need to get away from him. Get him completely out of your life. You will be far happier single than trying to make an abusive boyfriend into a loving one. That never works. I know it hurts to say it's over, but it hurts far more to stay with him. Especially when you start adding up years and years of hurt.