Hi all, I am new to all this so please bear with me! I guess I should start from the beginning really. We got our first family pet in 2010, Dad came home from work one evening and said his work mates partner was having to get rehome her cavalier as her new flat landlord didn't allow pets, so Dad said when would we like to go and view him. We set the date and it came round pretty fast! 

We all instantly fell in love with this gorgeou tri-colour called Rudy, he was bonkers, running about jumping on all the sofas, barking like mad, but so loving and caring. We went home, took a family vote and decided this was the one for us! Few weeks later we collected Rudy and brought him home with us, he was so well behaved no crying just had a sniff of his new place and then curled up for a cuddle with Dad. He loved having a big garden to run about in after being cooped up in a flat for the first 5 years of his life. I fell in love with Rudy from the very first day I laid eyes on him! He became a real support to me when I lost my best friend at the age of 15, never leaving my side and cuddling me when I was upset. 

I then got diagnosed with depression and anxiety and Rudy then became an even bigger help as he could always sense when I was down or if I was anxious, he would allow me to cuddle him and fuss with his ears, he had the softest ears going and i would massage them and it would not only calm me down but it made Rudy relax too! 

In 2015 we took Rudy to the groomers for his summer groom, however the day after he was really not very well, so we called our groomer and asked if anything had happened or if he had eaten something that he wouldn't usually have, but she said he was completely fine with her. So we booked him in to see the vets. That was when we heard the most heartbreaking news, at the age of 10 our handsome boy had a grade 3 heart murmur. He was put on meds and the vets said to keep an eye on him and continue to keep his excercise up and loving him the way we were. So we did, however his heart got worse and worse, we had one very scary night where the emergency vets were called as he was struggling to breath, they gave him an injection which worked instantly and he was back to his usual self. We had a few nights where he was so poorly and I sat up with him until he fell asleep and I would then go to bed, but I wouldn't sleep much to the fear that he wouldn't be with us when we awake, however he would always spring back to life the next morning! 

In March 2016 we had the issue of fluid on Rudy's lungs and in his belly caused by all the meds he was on, so we took him in to the vets for them to drain and xray and do bloods, he was so well behaved, they didn't have to sedate him at all. The wag of his tail when we picked him up is unforgetable. By April 2016 Rudy was so poorly, he was struggling to walk, lost all his appetite and although his tail wagged he looked so sad in his eyes. We took him to the vets and all they had to say was, 'You need to make the best decision for your Rudy.' We went home and my heart was in a thousand pieces. We had to make one of the hardest decisons ever, Rudy was our life and although he was so poorly he didn't look old or poorly at all apart from his bloated belly. 

On April 21st 2016 we had our final day with Rudy, I sat with him the whole day, telling him we loved him so much and he will always be in our hearts. He knew something was happening, we took our final car journey to the vets and carried him in our arms into the room, as soon as we stepped into the vets I couldn't control the tears, they gave us 5 minutes alone with him, where we all hugged and kissed him. I won't go into detail as I am sure you all know how it is, but we were with him until his very last breath, he was watching me the whole time, and as soon as he was gone I couldn't control my tears, the vets ushered us out of the room after one last cuddle and kiss, and said not to worry about the next few stages they will call us when he is back. That car journey home was the worst, with his harness and lead on my lap I was sobbing. The house seemed so empty when we got home. I sobbed all night. 4 months on and I am still in so much pain, I cry nearly every day for the loss of my handsome Rudy, we have him home now, and I recieved an ashes necklace for my 21st to keep him with me. I would love to get another dog, to help take this pain away, I know it will never be the same and no dog will ever replace my love for my Rudy, but it would give me some comfort. But my Dad won't allow us, he binned Rudy's bed without asking or telling anyone, and it hurt me so much. He won't think of anyone but himself. I hurt so much without Rudy and would do anything for one last cuddle with him. Thank you for reading guys, this was so hard to write and I am in tears just remembering that awful day, I know we did the right thing for him, he was 10 and a half and had the best  years with us. Jess x