Recently my baby passed away she was 15 she had been with me since she was six weeks old she was never sick she seem to be happy her entire life nobody could ever believe how she was and so I held onto this belief that she would be with me forever she was the only constant I ever had in my life the only friend that never abandoned me her love was true and pure not conditional she was my best friend and I miss her so much every single day.  She got sick suddenly and we found out that  she had a mass  I cancer on her adrenal I promised her that I would do anything I could no matter what cost and even though the doctors didn't give her good odds we took the chance because she was a tough old lady  too stubborn and demanding and I had faith in her that she could beat this she had to get ready for surgery and so we got her ready and they were able to remove the mass  my baby kicked cancers ass unfortunately recovery was harder than expected she's always been a finicky eater and so she didn't want to eat much they decided that it would be best  to put in a feeding tube to give her the nutrition of her energy and to help her heal faster give her the strength she needed it was a very small tube and she was a small dog she was a Lhasa apso and so they put the tube and I was with her right up until that time that moment when they took her back afterwards they said everything went well  and everything looked good but later on we found out that somebody made a mistake tube was very small and instead of going into her stomach like it should have it when into her lungs when they tried to feed her they were drowning her  they realized the problem very quickly and pull the tube but the fluids had damage the lungs and because of him steak was made my baby was not going to make it we got the phone call  and spent over to the hospital I got there and broke down all the nurses everyone was crying she had a way of making an impact on everybody she met when I got to her I touched her and kissed her  and I told her that it was OK to go and within moments hearts slowed and she was gone  afterwards I held onto her a couple of hours I just couldn't let her go I wasn't ready she was my shadow my best friend I held  her and cried smelled her I didn't want to go we had her cremated she is in a beautiful carved wooden box with a golden plate and her name engraved in it.  I wanted to be angry for their mistake but I felt like that would somehow overshadow her so I can focus on her memory but I miss her so much I don't know how to be without her  I feel like a part of me has been ripped out I wasn't ready  I got a bunch of condolence cards in the mail from the hospital the nurses and doctors our regular vet made a donation in her honor to your shelter  she was loved by everybody who met her I just miss my baby I just really miss her when she was with me I'm not sure how to be me without her. My sweet Mini my constant shadow.