Pet Bereavement Support Group

The loss of a pet or animal to which one has become emotionally bonded can be an intense loss, comparable with the death of a loved one. Whilst there is strong evidence that animals can feel such loss for other animals, this community focuses on human feelings, when an animal is lost, dies or otherwise is departed.

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/ Pet Bereavement Support Group

How to cope with a pet bereavement

deleted_user
deleted_user
Please can someone help me?My sisters dog passed away on Friday.His name was George,he was a miniature schnauzer,a beautiful dog and had reached 13 years,even though his health hadn\'t been 100% in the last year or so.It was the tragic way that he died that is breaking our hearts.He was found drowned in the fish pond.My brother-in-law found him and he is absolutely devastated,he has now stopped eating,no one can do anything with him.We don\'t know if George suffered a heart attack,slipped or lost his balance trying to drink from the pond.Everyone is asking themselves,what if.....?My sister and brother-in-law are blaming themselves for not watching George,but I have tried to tell them that how would they know this awful accident was going to happen.I have cried and cried for them and George because I miss him so much.I am trying to hold this together for their sakes but I am struggling myself.My brother-in-law buried George in the garden and he now spends all his time sitting by the grave crying.I cannot get the picture of George lying dead in their living room out of my mind,I just keep reliving it and its a 100x worse for them.I don\'t know where to turn to because at the moment we are all really struggling to come to terms with this terrible loss.George didn\'t deserve to go this way.My sister torments herself by saying that he probably struggled for a while calling out for her and she never heard.Please please help me,I am sobbing my heart out doing this email because I can\'t accept what has happened.My sister and brother-in-law are inconsolable.I know that many people think its only a pet and they\'ll get another one,but George was more than that he was loved by us all and treated like a part of the family.At the moment I can\'t see how we are ever going to get through this.The picture of my sister will always be in my mind of her screaming and holding George and loving him and he was dead.Please would someone be kind enough to help me?Thankyou
jamminjamie79
jamminjamie79
Hi. I just wanted to let you know that I understand how you feel. Our cat Buff died this morning. He was a part of our family too. Here if you need a friend. I know I could sure use one.
deleted_user
deleted_user
We just put our Shelby to sleep after a quick, unexpected illness. Unfortunately there's nothing any of us can do to ease the pain. Our other lab keeps searching for her. It breaks my heart. We can all just be here for each other and hope that time will heal....
deleted_user
deleted_user
HI, I understand what you, your sister and her husband are going through. Blaming yourself I feel does't help. Tell your sister and brother in-law that I feel by blaming themselves makes the pain harder to heal I know this for when I had have my Puss Cat put to sleep. I was blaming myself. I had a very hard time in dealing with the loss of my cat. How I was effecting myself both physically and emotional. At that time of my life I had to deal with alot of Anger and Guilt. Its been over 7 months and I still miss my Puss CAT. If you need a friend ,I'll be here for you . Try to remember that George Will Be In Your Hearts Forever! That His Spirit Will Live On!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I often come in here to try and help because I so love my animals, and have - like everyone - have lost some as well.

Your story is so tragic that I'm still in tears. I have a mini Daschund (still don't know how to spell that) who is 8, and my best friend in the world. Naturally, as I read of George, I imagined how I would feel if it were Louis (my pup). I'm overwhelmed by how you all must feel, and I'm so sad.

Last year I went to see Lisa williams - a fairly famous psysic - at an event center. She did several readings from the crowd - and two or three of them were given readings on stage where she saw their pets jumping around demanding recognition. She was able to describe them right down to their breed - or a spot on their back - running around at the feet of their owners on stage. She said that a soul is a soul. And they were fine.

That said, this type of loss takes your breath away. Each day you remind yourself to breathe in and out - and put one foot in front of the other - until it comes naturally. And one day it will. Trust that it will.

I have no advise other than to get a puppy as soon as you can handle it. The type of love that they have to give an animal is rare - and there is a wonderful dog out there that deserves the home that they offer. The healing will be as needed as the comfort and love is from the pup.

So breathe. Have faith. Forgive. And open your hearts again. That's all I have. I wish you all well.

P.S.
They are very lucky to have you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
This is such a tragedy for all of you, and I am so sorry that it happened in this way. Please don't let anyone marginalize your loss; you all HAVE lost a member of the family. Let yourselves grieve, and please try not to blame yourselves in any way. George had a good life with your family, and was one of the lucky ones.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am so sorry for your loss, that must be very difficult. Time does heal, as trite as that may sound. My advice would be to give it a couple weeks and then go to a shelter and pick out a dog who needs a home. I always thought it was awful to go and get an animal that soon after you lose one, but having done it this last time after we lost our cat, it fills a void and definitely helps. The hardest thing to deal with was the silence and emptiness in the house afterward, so if you get another dog it will not only keep your mind off of what happened but it will help fill that void. It also helps you remember and concentrate on the good and funny times you have had with George. After our loss, we decided to make something positive out of it, and we went out to a shelter for second chance cats and gave a beautiful 2 year old a home. I suggest getting a shelter dog too who needs a home, it makes you feel better.

Lastly, as difficult as it may seem, try not to dwell on what happened to George. Try not to think about what happened to him... If you get together with your brother-in law and sister and talk about all the good and funny things George would do instead, it helps a great deal... you begin to laugh and it helps with the healing. My best wishes to you and your family.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I would like to once again say a huge THANK YOU to all that offered and gave me and my family advice after the terrible loss of our beloved George.Your kindness has really touched our hearts.You are all very special people and have given us great support and strength.GOD BLESS YOU ALL.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm so sorry for your family's loss. You lost a member of your family and it will be painful. Allow yourself to feel it and grieve. It's ok to yell and cry. Unfortunately guilt is a part of the process and it is something that needs to be worked through. We all in some way feel guilt when we lose a pet. Did I do enough?.... Could I have prevented this?....Was I good parent?....Blaming yourself or others is not healthy and will only complicate the grieving process. Try to take care of yourself and each other and yes it will take time to get that image out of your head but one of these days it will fade. Be supportive and talk about George. Talking helps. My thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Your words of comfort have meant so much to us all.I would like to thank everyone that took the time to give their advice,sam & family
Marigolds
Marigolds
Dear Sam..i understand perfectly what you and your sister and husband are going through because almost exactly the same thing happened to my beloved dog. There was ice slush on the lake where we live and he thought he could walk on it. We found him but it was too late. I understand the awful guilt of not being there for him and not being able to get the awful pictures of him from your mind. It happened in early May and i am still very sad but getting better. I have found that these are some things that helped me. First don't think of his last moments but think of his first moments when he crossed over and was happy....and think of the happy times you had together. When the awful thoughts come, make yourself think about something else. I am quite good at this now although it was hard at first....the guilt...well..i just think that for some reason unknown to me, i didn't look for him soon enough. I didn't do it on purpose and would have done anything in the world to save him...and thats just the way it was. Then, i thought that i have to let him go...for his sake as well as mine. I might be preventing him from moving on by grieving so terribly for him. I am so very sorry for you and for your sister and husband. I can only tell you..it does get easier with time. You will find peace and come to terms with this tragedy.
Many hugs to you all.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am so sorry for your loss. I'm on the boards here myself today because we had to put our beloved cat to sleep yesterday. One thing I found comforting yesterday while I was searching for a reason or something to make me feel any bit better, was this site: http://www.pet-loss.net/index.shtml
It seems that we ALL go through this guilt- what could we have done different to protect this helpless creature who depended on us? We did the best we could. And we made their lives as full of live as possible. Please try to find comfort in that.
summerbda
summerbda
I know this will sound awful...BUT try your best to NOT think about that day...think immediately think of a great memory...I think of the day I had my daughter or a great vacation. Now as stupid as this sounds, it got me thru. I was soo distraught over my dogs passing I thought I was going to have a heartattack, REALLY! I could not sleep, and I HAD to take care of a baby at the time..it was awful. I still cannot go there, it happened in March. I never have experienced any death and I am going to get therapy about death...because I'm ruined by this.
My husband took my dog to be put to sleep...had I gone and saw this I'd probably be in the funny farm! But I visuize it all the time and switch my thoughts QUICKLY...try your best to know there will be a time in the future you'll be able to greive w/less pain/for now TRY to not think about it. I'm very sorry.......
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am thinking of you all at this difficult time!! go to gonetoosoon.com to make a memorial for him,that has helped me with my loss.
feeshee
feeshee
so sorry for your loss
cherrytreats
cherrytreats
A place that really helpd me when Iv'e lost pets is a site called petloss.com.
It is a wonderful site where you can talk to others in a safe and secure chat room and leave a permanant online tribute to your furbaby.